12/26/2014

First Vase

(2014's best films on this week's Jared's Inkwell. Click here to check 'em out! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Thomas:

Anne thought it would be a great date idea to drag me along with her to the mall the day after Christmas. "I just have to return a few things," she promised me, "Then we can have dinner and go see a movie or whatever."

She led me into some housewares store and tried to return a ghastly ceramic vase. The clerk asked Anne if she had the receipt, and she didn't.

"I don't think we carry this," the clerk said, "Are you sure it came from here?"

Anne said, "I'm sure. Only you guys would have a vase this ugly."

"Well, if we don't carry it then we can't accept it back–"

"It came from here. I know it. I can feel it in my heart," Anne said.

I only wish that return policies worked like that. Unfortunately, the clerk called over the manager and it took the manager mere seconds to back up the clerk's belief that the vase didn't come from that store.

Anne then grabbed the vase and for a moment I thought she was going to smash it against the floor. But then she left the store in a huff and I followed her out.

She then led me to the women's restroom and said, "I'll be right back. I have a plan."

She went into the bathroom with the vase and took about 20 minutes. I was seated on a bench when she emerged. She said, "Plan didn't work."

I couldn't help but notice that the poor vase was nearly filled to the brim with water. She handed it to me.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" I asked.

"Beats me. It's your problem, now."

She glanced at her watch and said, "It's time to go. See ya!" She gave me a quick peck on the cheek and left me standing there with her vase.

I still have it, and it sees occasional use. As for Anne, she made up "I'm too busy" excuses for a good month before she finally told me that she didn't want to go out with me anymore.

3 comments:

  1. I hope this is some modern day cursed object ritual. You must try and return it to the gates of where it came, then fill it with the water of human female waste and then finally pass it on to be free of curse. But chances are she is just crazy.....

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Tony: Definitely wouldn't be our first story of a cursed object. Maybe she should give it to someone who is having a rough week.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Let me fix your story, really quick.

    "She went into the bathroom with the vase and I don't know what happened after that because I left immediately."

    This is one of my favorite posts, so far. "It's your problem now." made me almost choke.

    ReplyDelete

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