2/15/2013

The Unbearable Lighter of Being

Story Sent in by Jacqueline:

Andrew kept playing with a Zippo lighter on our date. As we walked down the street, he'd take it out, flip it open, then close it, over and over and over again. I asked him early on, "Why do you keep doing that?"

He said, "Because I'm nervous around beautiful women." From then on, he flipped the lighter open and closed twice as much.

After a bit more walking, we picked a restaurant and went inside. The hostess was a blonde with long hair and tight black pants. As soon as Andrew saw her. He went nuts with the flipping of the lighter. She ignored it and walked us to our table.

Right after we sat down, a waitress came by with frizzy brown hair, and he flipped the lighter so much that I thought he was going to break it. After we ordered our drinks (a beer for him, water for me), I asked him to put the lighter away.

He said, "I can't! The hostess, the waitress... I'm about to have an apocalypse in my pants, here."

I almost said, "What about me?" but then I realized that I wasn't insecure enough to require validation from him, so instead, I said, "Well, don't let me stop you," and I left him and his stupid lighter there, to flip the day away.

7 comments:

  1. Well, I guess all those beautiful women were a little...*puts on sunglasses*...too hot to handle.

    YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love that OP ended the date as soon as the crazy peek it's crazy head

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i don't! makes for less for us to ridicule and use to feel better about our own lives. i mean, that's why come here, right?

      Delete
    2. Come for the stories, stay for the comments.

      And yeah, every now and then we need a story like this where the OP isn't a 10 on the trashslut scale.

      Delete
  3. Long blonde hair + tight black pants > frizzy brown hair.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahahahaha i like the very first comment it was funny.

    ReplyDelete

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