1/21/2013

Because Roaches Are Like Diamond Rings

Story Sent in by Doris:

On my first date with Robert, he took me out to a Chinese place that was pretty good. I had eaten there before and never had a problem. At dinner, we talked and had good conversation, and a little after we ordered, he went to the bathroom to wash his hands.

When he came back, he told me that I could go wash my hands, if I wanted to. I thought it was a good idea, and when I came back, our food was at the table.

As I ate through my chicken, I had the fright of my life. A brown roach was in my food!

I cried out and froze, but Robert laughed at me and said, "Calm down. It's fake. We'll get a free meal. Just keep acting."

Robert called our waiter over and pointed at the plate with the rubber roach on it. I called Robert out and said to the waiter, "It's fake. He's just playing a trick on me."

I wondered if the waiter would throw Robert out of the restaurant for that, but he understood my meaning well enough and walked off. Robert took his fake roach back and was mad for the rest of dinner ("You're paying for your meal!") but I didn't care.

When the check came, he grabbed it and threw down cash for his half of the meal as quickly as he could. The last thing he said to me was, "Good thing I didn't put a diamond ring in your food. You'd probably complain about that, too." He took off as quick as he could.

When I made it out to the parking lot, I found the fake roach jammed into the handle of my driver's side door. What a loon.

10 comments:

  1. Wow, cheap AND a total Douchey McScroterson. What a nice combo.

    You know he would totally shove that rubber roach up your ass when your sleeping. Good job getting away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Normally I think you are a terrible person in every way, SaggyG, but *that* was comedy.

      Delete
    2. Why thank you! I seem to be winning over fans left and right with my natural charm and personality.

      If you'd like me to send you an autographed picture of my beautiful self, I accept payment in the form of cash or full frontal nudity.

      Delete
  2. Why do people stay in a situation like this, call the waiter over have your dinner packed, pay your check and leave with some self-respect still intact instead of spending the evening with an manipulative ass with issues.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why do people stay in a situation like this, call the waiter over have your dinner packed, pay your check and leave with some self-respect still intact instead of spending the evening with an manipulative ass with issues.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Why do people stay in a situation like this, call the waiter over have your dinner packed, pay your check and leave with some self-respect still intact instead of spending the evening with an manipulative ass with issues.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Why do people stay in a situation like this, call the waiter over have your dinner packed, pay your check and leave with some self-respect still intact instead of spending the evening with an manipulative ass with issues.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Why do people stay in a situation like this, call the waiter over have your dinner packed, pay your check and leave with some self-respect still intact instead of spending the evening with an manipulative ass with issues.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know real roaches are pretty filthy, but I gotta wonder about that fake roach too...It had been riding around in his pocket all day next to his car keys and fingernail clippers. Next to that spare change he picked up off the sidewalk...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Loon? Loon? This fellow is the EMPEROR of the loons!

    ReplyDelete

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