8/14/2012

Come Again

Story Sent in by Alice:

Jason wrote to me online. Unlike a lot of the guys who had written to me before, he seemed gregarious and interesting, and I looked forward to finding messages from him in my inbox. It wasn't long before he asked me out on a first date.

When we did meet in person, he said, "Whoa. Your pictures don't do you justice." It was a sweet thing to say, although the experience shortly took a turn I didn't expect. After we strolled around for a few minutes, he said, "Oh, shoot. I forgot something in my car. I'll be right back." He took off, and I waited for him for about 10 minutes.

He returned with a big smile and said, "All better. So, you were saying about your college..."

I didn't ask him what he had forgotten, and figured that he maybe left his lights on. Anyway, it was time for dinner, and we sat down in a nice place. After almost a half-hour of drinks and talk, he once again said, "Man, you are beautiful. God almighty. Be right back." He stood and left the table.

His similar words before both disappearances were not lost on me. Perhaps it was his way of assuring me that he'd be back. Maybe. In any event, I figured that he went to the bathroom, and that was that.

He returned and we ordered dinner and everything was fine. He was a bit dorky, but seemed well-rounded, and we never ran out of things about which to talk.

After close to another hour, and another drink or two, he stood and said, "You are so gorgeous. Oh my God..." and he left the table once more.

I resolved to query him about it upon his return, and several minutes later, he came back. I asked him, "What's with the really nice compliments before you take off for 10 minutes?"

He giggled and said, "Yeah, see, you're just so beautiful–"

"Answer the question."

He said, "Well, it's meant as a compliment, so it's nothing for you to be worried about..."

"What's meant as a compliment?"

He replied, "My jerking off."

I went rigid. I couldn't think of a thing to say. He quickly followed it up with, "I do it because I don't want to screw things up. If I didn't do it, I'd have been all over you by now."

"Waiter! Check!"

"Seriously," he went on, "I'd have torn your shirt off and have sucked... well, I wouldn't be able to control myself. It's just how beautiful you are and..."

The check arrived. I offered to pay my share, but he insisted on covering it. Over and over, he apologized for making me uncomfortable. As the rest of the evening had gone well, I wondered if I was being too judgmental about the whole thing.

Then, after the check was paid, he stood up, said, "Wait right here, you gorgeous thing. I'll be right back. Your face just makes me want to... oh, yeah. Be right back," and nearly ran for the bathroom again.

I was gone by the time he came back, whenever that was.

9 comments:

  1. You're supposed to do this BEFORE the date, a la There's Something About Mary...

    OP, did he offer you any hair gel?

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  2. Give the guy some credit, he had stamina.

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  3. Fake. Unless he has a robot dong, no guy is doing 4 J. Arthurs in the course of an hour or so. No way.

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    Replies
    1. Some of us like "edging"

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    2. I think that would have made him want to jump on her even more.

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    3. I think that would have made him want to jump on her even more.

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    4. I think the story is true but the guy was lying about what he was doing. Why he thought this was a good lie, I have no idea.

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  4. Now if only he'd gotten it stuck in his YKK.

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  5. She was gone by the time he came.

    ReplyDelete

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