A Girl and a Pie

Story Sent in by Linda:

Dwayne asked if we could meet in a local park for our first date, then do dinner. I wore a nice dress, and we met by a bench, not long before sundown. He had a paper shopping bag with him, and I didn't think much of it as we sat down together and made chit-chat.

I was in the middle of answering his question about my summer plans when he pulled what looked like a mass of plastic wrap out of the paper bag. He then tore into it, throwing the plastic wrap on the ground, to reveal a pie shell, filled with what looked like chunky whipped cream. Uh...

He said, "Here's the plan. You start running that way," he pointed, "Then I chase you with this, and if I catch you, I tackle you and smash it on your naked, quivering ass."

"Wow," I said, "What makes you think I'd be remotely interested in doing that?"

He replied, "It'll be fun. I'll pay for dinner."

"And I just show up to dinner with a mess all over my... me?"

He said, "I guess you could go home to change. Just don't take too long. I'm hungry."

"What if you don't catch me?"

"I'll catch you."

Something about his 5'9" likely-over-200lbs frame made me think twice about that. I said, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just walk away, right now."

He replied, "I'd tackle you anyway. I want to see this all over your ass."

I leaned closer to him and replied, "Okay, then. Let's make this fair, if I agree to it. We do it hide-and-seek style. I promise to hide somewhere in the park and not move from that spot. If you find me, you can do whatever you want. Deal?" I gave him a slight smile, hoping he wouldn't call the bluff.

He didn't. "Deal!" he said, then instantly covered his eyes with his arm and counted. The pie was on his lap, and he held it with his other hand, so there was no hope in trying to disarm him.

I didn't know to what number he planned to count, but I didn't wait to find out. I booked it out of there as fast and far as I could, and never heard from him again.


  1. This Dwayne has the right idea. You won't believe the stuff I've gotten my dates to let me do to them just by offering to 'pay for dinner'. And it's not only for dates, I've gotten out of speeding tickets by offering the officer to pay for dinner, jury duty, child support, taxes, hell I've gotten free health care and insurance. Honestly the sky's the limit... well accept a free dinner obviously.

  2. This gave me a good chuckle. I love when people plead ridiculous cases with "Do it- I'll buy dinner", like it's a get out of jail free card or something. I wonder if he's still there looking or her.


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