4/18/2012

Skin and Out

Story Sent in by Chad:

Helen and I met while I was actually seeing someone else. I was shopping online for a gift, a satchel, for my then-current girlfriend. Helen had a few handmade products up on Etsy, I found a bag with a great design, and I purchased it from her. Turned out, she lived in the same county that I did. She wrote me a very grateful thank-you message, and I wrote her back once I had received the satchel she had made. I was impressed with the materials and quality of design. And so even after I gave it to my girlfriend, Helen and I maintained a decent correspondence, back and forth, talking about everything and anything.

Some months later, I was out of the relationship, and my messages to Helen became more frequent and more flirtatious. It progressed to me asking her out, and so we wound up at dinner.

She had been pretty chatty over the Internet (she told me that she didn't like talking by phone) but in person, she seemed quiet and nervous. Well, so was I. We talked back and forth for a while about this and that, and I finally engaged her on the topic of her crafts.

That opened her up. She talked about handbags, shoes, vests, hats, and so on. She was very interested in making her own designs, and I was glad that she finally seemed to feel comfortable.

She was talking about projects on which she had worked when she said, "Sewing human skin is a bit of a challenge if you don't time it right: too thin or too brittle, depending on how long you wait."

I was sure I had misheard her. "Sewing what?"

She replied, "Human skin. It's pliable and very soft, but you really have to take care of the material, otherwise it'll–"

"You've sewn with human skin?"

She laughed. "Not all the time. Just once, and it didn't come out well. I don't think I'd show it to you. It's brittle. Next time, I know what to do."

"How did you come by human skin? Did you use your own?"

"Ha! No. Of course not. Those are just some... trade secrets."

Dreading the answer (really, any answer), I asked, "What did you make out of it?"

She seemed at this point to realize that the conversation had taken an unpleasant turn, at least for me, and so it looked like she was again socially shutting down. Her eyes darted around and she leaned back in her seat. She muttered an answer, I asked her to repeat it, and she said, louder, "A coin purse. It was small. I didn't harvest very much."

Just a little was enough for me. I asked for the check pretty quickly thereafter. Maybe it was wrong of me to call it quits, but her admission coupled with her quiet, evasive demeanor convinced me that there wouldn't be a second date.

10 comments:

  1. It puts the lotion on its skin?

    She should have just used a scrotum if she was making a coin purse... a lot less sewing would be involved.

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  2. They actually do make scrotum coin purses.

    http://www.australiagift.com/scrotum_shop/

    Granted, it's kangaroo scrotum, but they exist.

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  3. I'm going to hope she had one of those peeling sunburns and decided to try something with what she peeled off. No, I don't really believe that, but I'm going to pretend anyway. I'm quite sure buying or selling human skin is illegal, although to be honest I've never had reason to check.

    Speaking of skin in general terms, I know that thin-skinned pelts such as rabbit can be brittle if they aren't treated right. Skin is not leather until it goes through the tanning process to make it softer and more durable.

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  4. They actually use old foreskin from circumcisions to make coin purses in some countries. When you rub them, they turn into suitcases.

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  5. I thought of a quasi-legal way to get the skin, which I'll leave to your imaginations.

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  6. It could be excess skin surgically removed from people who've lost weight, such as gastric band patients. Still gross, weird, disturbing, probably illegal, but she's not necessarily out stabbing hobos to harvest their skin.

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    Replies
    1. One can never be quite sure. Perhaps she was looking for her next victim. Don't trust those severely quiet types.

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    2. I KNOW RIGHT? TRUST THE LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, TROLLS!!!

      Delete
  7. I would like her email address if possible. I know someone who has an oddities museum that includes some human specimens. It could be that she would be interested... xizang40@gmail.com

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  8. I think she was probably joking, then shut down when her joke did not go over well. She probably didn't explain the fact that she was joking because she was shy and also maybe resented the fact that she would have to explain that to someone. That sounds exactly like something I would say lol; and I would indeed be saddened if I was meeting a guy I thought I liked and he didn't get my humor.

    ReplyDelete

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