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12/05/2011

The Sawdust of Yesterday

Story Sent in by Ricardo:

In college, Kendra and I met at a party, hit it off, and scheduled a first date. When we met up in person, she was in a nice sweater and skirt, but it looked as though she had rolled around in sawdust. At first, I wasn't sure if it was part of the design of her outfit, but she soon caught me staring.

"My phone fell into the toilet," she explained, "So I put it in sawdust to dry it out, but I didn't have enough time between then and now, so..." She took a freezer bag stuffed with sawdust out of her purse to show me. Her cell phone was within it. Okay. Whatever works.

We sat down to dinner. I ordered a soup to start, and soon afterward, her phone rang nearly off the hook. Turns out, she hadn't silenced it before putting it in the bag. "Well at least we know the ringer still works," I said, trying to make light of things.

She pulled the phone-bag out of her purse. She opened it and dug around within the sawdust, spilling it all over the table in the process. She took the phone, hit a button on it, and it stopped ringing. She then slipped it back into the sawdust bag, collected the spilled sawdust from the table, scooped it back in, sealed it, and put it back in her purse.

Not five minutes later, her phone rang again. She took the entire bag out of her purse and squeezed it all over, apparently trying to locate the silence button/switch. When that didn't work, she groaned and slammed the bag against the table until it burst, making me jump and spraying sawdust all over the table, herself, and into my soup.

She looked up at me and said, "Your own fault for getting soup."

Her phone was still ringing. I told her, "I'm going to send this soup back, but if they charge me for another bowl, I'm going to ask for your help with that."

Her phone stopped ringing. "Ha!" she said, "You think I can afford it? I probably have to buy a new phone!"

"The soup was $3.95."

"It's the principle."

I stared at her. "That makes no sense."

Her phone went off again. She screamed, "Shut up!" at it, banged it against the table a few more times, then jumped from the table and took it outside, attracting the looks of just about every other diner in the place while I sat there among the sawdust.

I sent the soup back while she was gone. The waitress was nice enough to say that they wouldn't charge me for the second bowl. Kendra soon returned. Her phone wasn't with her.

She said, "I got smart. I took the battery out and then ran the phone over a few times in my car. Shattered it up really good. Now they'll have to give me a new one for free."

I nodded. "That is smart. They're not charging me for the extra soup."

She clapped her hands. "Victory for both of us."

"I'll say."

Dinner was otherwise uneventful, but that was our only date.

9 comments:

someone needs to hook this girl up with that Siri/iPhone guy

I'm just happy knowing that there is no way in hell she'll be able to come up with a story that would result in them giving her a free phone.

^But, but... they'll HAVE to! Because it's clearly a manufacturing defect that the phone still worked after she dropped it into a toilet. Any self-respecting technology company is going to plan obsolescence better than that.

Is it safe to assume that Kendra wasn't majoring in something like math or some sort of science?

Sawdust? You'd normally put it in rice, not sawdust. Sawdust is just too messy and would get into the device.

Also, you of course remove the battery as quickly as possible.

Smart Phone ::::: Dumb Girl

You spoil other peoples food, you pay for it.

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This is what happens when men are not allowed to fix women.

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