8/03/2011

This Little Light of Mine

Story Sent in by Chris:

I work at a company where we print personalized messages onto pens, keychains, tumblers, or just about anything else. Businesses and some people use them as little promotional giveaways.

I was telling Jenny more about this as we took a walk after dinner on our first date. She had asked about the sorts of things that we printed on, and then asked if I had any examples on me.

I pulled out a little key ring light and gave it a squeeze. It lit up a small patch of ground and I waved it around. "Little things like this—" I began.

Jenny snatched the light from my hand and said, "Enough with the light," and stuffed it down the front of her pants.

"Why did you do that?" I asked her, reasonably sure that I no longer wanted it back.

She replied, "You've been flashing it around all night. That was the only way to stop you, and I couldn't put it someplace where you'd be tempted to grab it back, like my pocket. So now it's mine, and I'll return it when I see fit."

I said, "I only took it out once, and that's because you wanted to see the sorts of things we personalize. You can keep it if you want to. I can grab a hundred more tomorrow."

She replied, "And I'll stuff them all in my pants if I have to."

I said, "If you wanted it, you could've just asked me for it. I would've given it to you."

She said, "I don't want it. I already have one like it. I just wanted you to stop flashing it around for the hundredth time tonight."

"I only showed you once," I said, "Just now."

"I'm sorry. I'm not giving it back."

"It's okay. I'll have a box of five hundred of them by tomorrow morning."

She became more upset. "You just kept flashing it around. You wouldn't stop!"

"It's okay," I said, backing away, "It's yours."

She started to cry. "I'm not giving it back! Not now, not ever!"

"Keep it!" I said, "And maybe we should call it a night."

"You didn't need to keep taking it out, over and over, and showing me again and again. I don't even want it," she yelled, then pulled it out and threw it on the ground. She then stomped on it several times. "I don't like it, and I don't like you!" she finished, and then ran off.

I watched her go, then scooped up the poor light from where she had assaulted it. It still worked. I went home.

13 comments:

  1. Cue rebuttal post in which Chris tried to sell her crates of them all evening.

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  2. Yeah, I wonder if this guy has a nervous habit that he's not consciously aware of where he takes the thing out and fiddles with it. Oh, and he fiddles with his flashlight too.

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  3. ^Plausible. Would certainly add a little more sense to this date.

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  4. Geez, Chris should try to be more sensitive. Doesn't he know that her grandmother was killed by a tiny flashlight???

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  5. It would have made sense except for the temper tantrum in the end. I'm also not sure why OP had to keep telling her he could get more.

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  6. Ok, there is DEFINITELY more to this story than what we're getting. I have a feeling the "tantrum" wasn't really that bad and the OP probably did something douchy earlier in the date. What with reminding her a ton of times that he could get more flashlights, pulling the light out multiple times doesn't seem like a far stretch.

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  7. And *I* have a feeling this date never happened. It's a fake story posted by the marketing guy at the flashlight manufacturer. It still worked after a stomping? Sign me up!

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  8. I replaced "light" with "penis" while reading this for some reason.

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  9. Yeah this story seems lacking. Maybe she was just being cute to get him to reach his hands down her pants. Idiot didn't take the bait.

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  10. IMHO, he was playing with his flashy thing all night.

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  11. Def seems like a weird combo of "I want you to reach down my pants!" and "DADDY WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING ME YOUR WEE WEE?!?!?!"

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