6/03/2011

What a Big Heart Looks Like

Profile Sent in by Sally:

Who I am and what I'm looking for:

I'm a marketing designer with a big heart. I give to charities, volunteer, and helped expand my local library. Love the outdoors, and have a special talent for selecting the perfect movie for any mood.

Tired of these women with kids. STOP HAVING KIDS. it's hysterical. They cannot stop pumping out babies. IT'S CALLED BIRTH CONTROL- USE IT!!! Why are all the hot ones also the stupid ones? "Hi I'm hot and I'm everything you want and oh yeah, I'VE ALREADY HATCHED SOME CROTCHFRUIT." No one wants you if you already had a succubus worm baby up your hoo haa for nine months. Stop messaging me! I don't want to be a dad to your little beef patty melt!

25 comments:

  1. Wow. I'm surprised this guy wasn't already taken!

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  2. Crotchfruit. That was my nickname in high school.

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  3. Ahaha I'm still laughing ... "I've already hatched some crotchfruit" ... omg... What a douche...

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  4. I'm still laughing at "hatched some crotchfruit" hahaha
    This man speaks the truth!

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  5. I love how blunt and to the point he is! I think everyone should be like that :)

    picklesinmyass.blogspot.com

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  6. "IT'S CALLED BIRTH CONTROL- USE IT!"

    You mean...a condom?

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  7. I love the way this just turns into a rant halfway through without warning. What did we miss? I guess Mr Hyde took over at that point.

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  8. I don't understand his (albeit hilarious) use of the term 'beef patty melt.' Is it suppose to make sense or is he so knee deep in crazy that we just look the other way with the crazy randoms that fly out of his keystrokes?

    *strokes chin* beef patty melt... beef patty melt...

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  9. I can't disagree with him. I might phrase it differently on a profile, but yeah. I certainly wouldn't date a woman with hatchlings...

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  10. Soon enough, gentlemen, YOU might be able to be the ones to protect humanity from the SCOURGE OF CROTCHFRUIT that is overtaking our fair lands as these SILLY WIMMINS keep pumping out babies through STUPIDITY and, apparently, PARTHENOGENESIS: http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/04/ff_vasectomy/all/1

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  11. While I might disagree with his tactless way of phrasing it, I've gotta admit, the man has a point. Just because a woman's attractive doesn't mean I want to spend the next 5 to 10 shepherding someone else's offspring.

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  12. But what if the woman was married before? I mean, there are reasons for someone to already have children. You can date them without becoming their father.

    Fact is, this dude loses credibility due to insanity and asshat-ery

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  13. I would agree with the guy if he'd phrased it better, or even better, not put it on his profile.

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  14. This is too good not to be fake.

    Beef patty melt. Hahaaaaa.

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  15. "But what if the woman was married before? I mean, there are reasons for someone to already have children."

    You mean like they had sex at some point? Or did you mean only reasons that you'll recognize as acceptable?

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  16. While I am hopelessly in love with my husband, the father of my children, should something terrible happen I don't think I would go to the internet for a potential mate. Even though I MET MY HUSBAND ON E-HARMONY! I think he is one in a million. And I would rather just be the mother of my children than some guy's "girlfriend".

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  17. The only thing that bothers me is that he insinuates that women are completely responsible for birth control. My guess is he's one of those guys who refuses to wear a condom.

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  18. This guys mom should have stopped pumping out babies right before she had him. I understand not wanting to father children who aren't yours, but to be so tactless and vulgar about it (and to publicly exclaim it in the first place). I suppose we're lucky he wont be raising children.

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  19. Also, this guy totally gives the impression that he is turned off not by the prospect of RAISING someone else's children...but by the idea that the woman was EVER pregnant at any time. "No one wants you if you already had a succubus worm baby up your hoo haa for nine months"...like whether a woman has been pregnant before has ANY bearing on her sexuality/desirability.

    He's just a male chauvinist with a whore-Madonna complex. Plain and simple.

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  20. Melissa, yeah I caught that, too. I think the thought of putting his dick in something that's had something much larger inside of it intimidates the hell out of him.

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  21. Julie, the marriage was just an example. Other people have babies who are not married and this is not an issue.

    I thought that it was sad that he could not even accept the most mainstream situation of married, divorced, have some kids.

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  22. ^^ If that's the case, he could never fuck a girl after I've been with her
    ...I've won 3 legged races by myself!

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  23. J.L.B., we each have our own individual deal-breakers, and not wanting to take responsibility for somebody else's children isn't that unreasonable, especially consider that our reproductive biology biases us against it. Personally, I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman who has kids either. (Not that there's anything wrong with it, just that it's a deal-breaker for me.) At least this guy had the decency to put his deal-breakers on the front page, so no single moms wasted time on him.

    That said, I'm not defending his personality in any way, shape or form. Dude's a douche - no arguments there.

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  24. Coming from a female i must say that i agree with this guy LOL. So many females pushing out babies because they think the babies father is 'the one'. They hope that getting pregnant will strengthing the relationship but a year or two down the line the babies father is out of the picture and the baby mama is stuck wit a kid up on the internet trying to find ANYONE who might want her (and her load)... Use your brains, make sure its the right time to be popping out a kid, and with the right guy, because if not it will be a heck of alot harder to find a guy willing to take you serious and wife you up.

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  25. 'No one wants you if you already had a succubus worm baby up your hoo haa for nine months. Stop messaging me! I don't want to be a dad to your little beef patty melt!' Then you sir aren't good with kids, succubus worm baby? Wow! That's so nice of him....NOT!

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