6/30/2011

A Coffee Cake Can Correct Anything

Story Sent in by David:

Maureen and I were out to coffee together on our first date.  We had both ordered drinks and little pastry snacks, she a cinnamon bun, myself a coffee cake.  While we spoke, she reached over and broke a few pieces off of my coffee cake, then ate them.

"Sorry," she said, "But that's really good."

She grabbed another piece, and then another, leaving me with a little less than half.  She asked me, "Want to switch?  I'm sorry."

I replied, "No.  I bought the coffee cake because I wanted the coffee cake."  I slid it in her direction and continued, "You can finish it and buy me a new one."

She laughed and said, "I already bought a cinnamon roll.  You can have that."

"I don't want a cinnamon roll.  I wanted that coffee cake."  As I spoke, she finished eating my coffee cake.

"Well, that's too bad, then," she said, and reached for her iced coffee to wash it down.  I thought about grabbing it and drinking it all, myself, but I didn't want to sink to her level.  I had already decided that it would be our last date, although we went on talking as if nothing unusual had happened.

After a while, the conversation ran down, and I was ready to head home.  Sensing this, she asked, "Aren't you going to get another coffee cake?"

"No.  I've lost my appetite."

She rolled her eyes and said, "No need to be spiteful.  Come on, you have to correct it.  Buy another one."

"You paying?" I asked.

"No.  Get another one."

I stood up.  "I'm good.  Ready to go?"

She stood up, too, and leaned in to whisper, "Why are you causing a scene?  Just get another one!  God!"

"I don't want one."

She breathed heavily, into my face, "You have to correct it.  Don't be spiteful!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Fine!  Forget it!" she said, then walked up to the counter.  For a moment, I thought that she was actually going to buy me a replacement coffee cake, but then, as if thinking better of it, she turned around and walked right out of the coffee shop.  I waited a few minutes, then walked out myself and went home.

54 comments:

  1. OP you are a douche it was a coffee cake what did it cost $1.50? Good lord what a petty thing to fight over. This might be why you are single.

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    1. Yeah. She didn't ask at all. She just took his food. That's a bigger issue than the cost of the coffee cake. That's pretty rude.

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  2. Disagree. He didn't push the issue. She did, repeatedly. And she stole from him. Such behavior, on her part, exhibits a lack of restraint and total disrespect. It certainly doesn't bode well for the future. Today a coffee cake, tomorrow his antique porcelain giraffe collection.

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  3. For a first date, it was quite rude and gross of her to put her hands in his food.

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  4. She was showing some signs of bad-dateness, but she might've also thought she was being flirtatious. The OP pretty much decided that it wasn't worth an extra two bucks (or toughing it out with a cinnamon roll) to find out. I'm on Team Maureen here.

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  5. Oh pardon me, let me take what you wanted, by reaching over into your food and grabbing some

    The least she could have done is ask if she could try some BEFORE breaking herself off a piece

    This is a first date; you're supposed to be polite, the OP waited until after deciding he didn't want to see her again before being dismissive

    Is the OP Mother Theresa? No, but he's better than his date in this instance

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  6. How could anyone be on Maureen's side here?

    SHE PUT HER HANDS IN HIS FOOD ON A FIRST DATE.

    It didn't even sound like she tried her cinnamon bun first. What does it matter what the cake cost? She was rude,disrespectful and weird.

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  7. Ever since yesterday's "Ben & Jerry" post, I can't help but interpret every dessert mentioned as some type of euphemism.

    She kept sampling his 'coffee cake', but he didn't want any of her 'cinnamon bun' in return. Maybe it was the sticky frosting that turned him off.

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  8. Team Maureen also. Sure, she was a bit cheeky to take his cake, but she was probably just doing it in a lighthearted way. The OP completely over-reacted and sulked for the rest of the date. It's only a cake, for God's sake! Maureen dodged a bullet with that miserable git.

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  9. She ate something he bought for himself, without asking his permission. She essentially demanded that he buy himself another one. She flipped out on him. Everyone who thinks that she was in the right ought to send me their dinners (you pay postage) and thank me for the opportunity to do so.

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  10. "You can finish it and buy me a new one" is where OP lost me. If you didn't want her to finish it, you shouldn't have given it to her. Although it seems like Maureen just wanted him to buy another one so she could help herself to it as well. They're both douches.

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  11. Yes, she was wrong to lean over and help herself to HIS coffee cake on their first date.
    I've dated girls for a while and when they do the same thing...(although it is a bit annoying) I just let them. I might even say "Let me get you one of those"...or I would switch with them and take her danish. It's part of being a man or chivalrous.

    That said...

    He still acted like a little bitch by whining about it. He could have easily said "you can finish it". Period. But, by adding "...and buy me another one" shows what a petty little cunt he really is. This douche gives real men a bad name. It's fucking pastry for crissakes. This girl got lucky to see this cocksuckers true color early in the dating stages.

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  12. To all the people who say a coffee cake isn't a big deal... then why didn't SHE buy him another one, to replace the one that SHE ate? Neither of them seem like much of a prize here, but I think she was far worse than he was.

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  13. If she was ridiculously hot I'd let it slide. If she was packing on a few pounds then I would have ended the date like the OP. Yup, I'm superficial.

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  14. Sharing is caring. I agree with Howie. Petty petty petty. If my boyfriend didn't share his food with me I would kill him. Suck it up and eat the fucking cinnamon roll, or let her have the coffee cake, or at least don't tell her to "buy me a new one."

    I understand that it was a first date, but this sounds like someone who doesn't like to share his food, period, and who will sulk over a coffee cake.

    Again, sharing is caring. I like sharing. I like being shared with. OP is a baby.

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  15. That being said, I would never reach over and take someone's food on a first date without asking.

    But he should have offered. Coffee cake is delicious.

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  16. Maureen is self-entitled, a serious epidemic these days. She's helping herself to his item -- without even asking -- just because she decided that she wants it, and she expects him to buy another for himself, rather than having the decency to at least replace it at her cost. Attitude worth frowning about, certainly a put-off for first date.

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  17. I'd be a little annoyed to if this were me, but not so annoyed that I'd add "and buy me a new one" after giving my date the coffee cake.

    The fact that Maureen didn't ask and just went for his food is a little rude. I would never just assume I could eat off of someone's plate, especially on a first date without asking. Even if Maureen was trying to be flirty its clear her date didn’t take her behavior as such.

    Honestly, neither of them seems like a catch.

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  18. I should have stated that I do think that Maureen shouldn't have eaten his food w/o asking but it was the OPs reaction to it that made him a douche.

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  19. Honestly, he is a douche. I doubt Maureen thought it was a big deal; him adding the "and buy me a new one" is where the douchebaggery was introduced.
    Fuck, I am a woman and even I would have eaten the cinnamon roll if the tables were reversed. I doubt I would even care much, either. OP is one of those idiotic, overly-picky people. Can't stannnnnnd that!
    Team Maureen!

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  20. Let's settle this. New poll up on the right.

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  21. OP learned she was an entitled princess off the bat. A fair trade for a piece of coffee cake. For all saying "it was just a pastry", yeah - it was. She could have replaced it. It works both ways.

    It always starts with coffee cake. It ends with your testicles.

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  22. David was in the right here. Stupid bitch putting her hands all over the cake like that. That's fucking gross.

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  23. This comment thread is REALLY on-topic for this site. Am I really the first person to write:

    FAT BITCH

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    1. Nice fat women buy their own coffee cake. :)

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  24. He learned that she's someone who thinks food is for sharing. I understand that some people would find that annoying. Those people should probably find a way to express their position without telling the other person to buy them new food.

    She learned that he's going to nickel-and-dime her over stupid things, and if she happened to be at his apartment taking a shower and used his shampoo, he'd charge her for it, and then haggle over the value of the item used.

    (and for what it's worth, it's a first date in a coffee shop and she appears to have paid for her own food, so it's not like he's already shown any generosity here.. when she offered him her coffee roll, it was at least the roll SHE bought HERSELF)

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  25. Also, I want to note that we've seen how there can be two very different sides to this kind of story ("Life's a Carnival", etc). This was written by DAVID and he still comes off as a jerk to me. I imagine the version written by Maureen would start something like this:

    "We went to this little coffee shop to get acquainted over some desserts. We each picked one we liked and took them back to the table to share food and conversation..."

    It was something that could have been a simple misunderstanding, that got blown into a "spiteful" battle by David when he told her (not even asked her) to buy him a new coffee cake. And the fact that he submitted it here shows that even now he thinks he's completely in the right.

    Sometimes the reason people have bad first dates is because they don't know how to be a good date.

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  26. I have been with my lady for 5 years... at this point she can take my food with impunity... but on the first date?

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  27. Amanda, you're right, Maureen is a fat bitch, just taking poor david's coffee cake!

    That is why I'm team david, she didn't ask; she did something to him that he didn't like.

    Waa waa, it's just a coffee cake; no, it's a first impression. Could he have been fun and have a good time and gone along with it? Yes he could have, on a different day, maybe he would've said "screw it, she's cute and nice I'll go along with it" but sometimes you're just in the mood for some coffee cake, delicious cinnamon buns be damned!

    Some people don't like other people touching the food on their plate especially people they don't know very well. The main problem is she didn't ask permission, and she just KEPT EATING it. Just because you say you're sorry, doesn't mean you can keep on going.

    You could say his silence on the matter while she was eating gives consent, but she didn't even ask, she just took and that's why I'm on David's side, she did something rude, and he didn't like it. He ended the date with both sides knowing there wasn't going to be another one.

    She ate the whole thing, and then tells him to buy another one, because it's wrong if he didn't get any, when she TOOK it from him WITHOUT asking in the first place.

    Is this on the same level as the guy who's gf planned a whole trip to New York just to cheat on him? No, but you're allowed to expect people to be polite and ASK before they eat your food

    David ALL the way

    Also, anyone else get a Napoleon Dynamite vibe when she said "Just get another one! God!"

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  28. Sure, it's just a cake. But a first date, she rubs her grubby mitts all over it. That's nasty. And the fact that she flipped that he correct her mistake? That's ridiculous. Yeah, he was petty about it but that doesn't mean that her actions were in the right just because he responded unfavorably. I'm on Team David.

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  29. What, no "Team 'They're both assholes'" on the poll?

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  30. I think this is more that she just lunged at his food & ate (over half of) it without his consideration or consent.

    It'd have be different if she'd asked, given which it would've still been his choice to answer yes or no.

    And really "No need to be spiteful. Come on, you have to correct it. Buy another one", this is classical manipulative behaviour.

    David/Op should've ordered like three more coffe cakes, excused himself to the bathroom & skipped out on the date, sticking that triflin' ass ho of a trick with tha bill yo. Hit 'em up where it hurts *pop pop*, the wallat ya'll feel me. Fo sheezy, thug life! I be out this bitch.. word.

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  31. I think Maureen's side would be more like this:

    David seemed like a pretty decent guy so we went ahead and set up our date at a local coffee shop.
    I'd never seen David before so when I walked in I was shocked.
    Huge mounds of flesh glistening with sweat under the fluorescent lighting. Jowls that belonged on a bulldog and a trail of saliva dribbled from the corner of his mouth. His huge, gaping mouth.
    "David", I asked.
    The monstrosity in the chair wheezed a reply which sounded vaguely like my name.
    I tried to stay calm as I sat across from him.
    "Hello David".
    -wheeze-
    "Are you thirsty?"
    -wheeeeeeeeeeeeze-
    "Let me get you something to drink." Anything to spend a few brief moments away from this horror.
    I got up from my chair and headed to the counter when his arm (that mass of fatty flesh) lashed out and he grabbed my wrist with his pudgy fingers.
    "Coffee -wheeze- and cake" he breathed at me. His breath stank of a thousand dying animals. He hoisted his other fatty arm appendage over to me. A fistful of ones in his grasp.
    "-wheeze- here."
    I went to the counter and placed the order. Meanwhile I pulled out my own money to buy a cinnamon roll as well as a drink for myself.
    When everything was ready I brought our food and drinks to the table and placed David's order in front of him then sat back down in my chair.
    An awkward silence.
    I could hear the fat in his chest compressing his heart; his lungs; as if every bit of him was crying out and dying each second.
    My mind started to whirl.
    One more pound and he'd be dead.
    David reached for his cake.
    "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed.
    Grabbing the cake as quickly as possible I crammed it all into my mouth.
    Silence.
    David staring at my with the pinpricks that were his eyes or what could be seen of them beneath the rolls of fat.
    "-wheeeeeeeeze-"
    The wheeze sounded like a question.
    "Whyyyyyyyy?"
    I finished chewing the cake. Swallowed carefully while I thought of my reply.
    Only one reply came to mind.
    "Because you're fat David. You're a fat bitch."

    In all honesty I somewhat side with David. I just wanted to try my hand at writing a fat bitch story.

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  32. she reached over and took his food with out asking on the first date, continued to eat his food and demanded he corrected her mistake. this is not something you do on the first date with food when you do not know the person well. if it was my coffee cake i would be smacking hands away.

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  33. Whoever is impersonating Howie said this:

    "I've dated girls for a while and when they do the same thing...(although it is a bit annoying) I just let them. I might even say "Let me get you one of those"...or I would switch with them and take her danish. It's part of being a man or chivalrous."

    Where did you put the real Howie?! TELL ME WHERE OR SO HELP ME I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN!

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  34. I reckon they were both asses- where's the poll option for that?

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  35. @TacoDave: I'll help you hunt. This Howie really scares me.

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  36. The girl was whiny and entitled.
    Having said that, the OP is the bigger douche for starting conflict with his awesome line
    "You can finish it and buy me a new one."

    If he ever wants to get past a first date, he should learn either some tolerance, or how to complain without sounding like a massive loser.

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  37. I'm with Jared & OP on this one - also I loved the poll :D

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  38. a) Yes, we needed a "Team They're Both Douchebags"
    b) I like when Howie is a real person.
    c) Girlwithface: THANK YOU. <3
    d) Team Maureen, just because.

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  39. @thehoopiestfrood: Joey would have bought his lady friend another goddamn coffee cake and banged her later that afternoon.

    She's rude and he's cheap. These two deserved each other.

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  40. 1: I love the commenters who are saying that he should have offered his coffee cake for her to try. Why should he? She had bought her own dessert.

    2: Also, why are you people surprised he didn't want to eat the rest? I know I wouldn't want to eat something after someone else's grubby fingers were on it.

    3: And why should he be satisfied eating her cinnamon roll? IT'S NOT WHAT HE WANTED! If he had wanted a cinnamon roll, he would have fucking bought one! Why should he have to eat something he didn't want because his date decided to be a self-entitled pig?

    4: As for coffee cake being cheap, that doesn't matter in the slightest. Even if it had cost a penny, it would still be disgusting behavior on her part.

    5: And why shouldn't he demand she buy him another one? He paid for cake for himself to eat. SHE STOLE FROM HIM.

    I dunno, maybe I'm a bit biased since I fucking HATE it when people take food off my plate. If I had been the OP, she would've lost her hand.

    Team OP. Fuck that pig.

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  41. Sometimes it's hard to tell what with the anonymity of the internet but from this comment thread it seems that 20% guys and 80% girls seem to think Maureen is a terrible monster of a social experience and an opposing ratio say "Meh, she's not that bad." I would conclude that guys know (or should know) what's really going on here. See, girls can't help but think "what if it was a guy who did that?" or "what if it was some strange girl who did that?" But neither is the case here. If a girl does this then whatever, you're not going to die from starvation in the next few hours and it's not as if it's uncommon for a guy to buy a girl food even (or especially) on a first date winding up paying for her pastry is something you should have considered possible going into this. Even if you didn't have the money to buy yourself a new one so what? Quit being so attached to things, you'll just end up being bitter about stuff that doesn't really matter. That's what this really boils down to: people having different view points on money, some people can't stand being slighted in social situations. I may not have ever gotten someone to like me because I bought them food in fact I may have gotten most of them to hate me for it but being possessive lost me more popularity points more often than sharing does. Plus growing up a germaphobe I learned to deal with this kind of situation early on just let them keep it http://www.youtube.com/user/communitychannel?blend=1&ob=5#p/u/2/Xj63AUF012k .

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  42. ^ Not this, not this at all.

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  43. Here's my take on the whole thing:
    Girl likes the look of OP, and wants to get into his pants. So...with a coy flirty look(which, to be fair, is easily missed or misinterpreted) she leans over and picks a bit of his coffee cake.
    At this point, OP has a few options which will show the girl his true colors: he could have gotten really angry and abusive(Bad. Run away, very fast, delete all contact.) He could have said, 'Please don't touch my food--here, have a piece.' and break the bit she touched off and give it to her.(Hm, OK. Still possible, if a bit OCD about his food)He could have moved his food further away with a glare.(Not good--probably a selfish lay, he'll finish, roll over and fall asleep. Pass.)
    Or...
    He could have said, 'Hey! That's mine! with a laugh and reached over and broke off a piece of hers. Or, broke a piece of his and fed it to her.(Hey! This would be a great lover. Playful, considerate--willing to share.)
    Instead--he says nothing. WTF? So, she does it again. Still nothing. And again. He doesn't say a thing until she's eaten half of it--then pulls his famous 'You can have it and buy me a new one' (So...this guy is massively passive-agressive and won't let on when something is bugging him until he's really pissed. Plus, he doesn't seem to pick up my 'let's get together' move.) Still, since he wouldn't play I'll offer him mine so he won't be hungry. Then his reply(Way to get worked up over a pastry! Not my fault he's clueless.)
    After that she's messing with him.

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  44. momfish,
    top-notch psych analysis there. except for the part where the man leads. OP was an inflexible tool, but date was a little girl. FailDate.

    Let's blow this wide open: guys, how do you respond to overly aggressive women? girls, is your flirting mis- or uninterpreted?

    I find forward women delightful, annoying or scary by turns, depending on the scenario. I've probably failed to perceive signals, and I've probably perceived them when none were sent.

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  45. Team David wins! Poll results:

    Team David! Leave my coffee cake alone!
    212 (70%)

    Team Maureen! It's just a coffee cake!
    88 (29%)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Late hit 5 yards:

    I don't like people eating off my plate, generally. I take what I'm going to eat and that's the amount I want.

    My wife and some of my very very good friends are allowed to eat off my plate. No one else.

    I'd do the "please don't eat off my plate. I'd be happy to offer you a piece if you'd like" bit.

    ReplyDelete

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