8/01/2017

Ah-Choose You!

Story Sent in by Tim:

Susan and I were out to dinner and while she was sitting across the table from me, talking about her favorite book or whatever, she sneezed right in my face.

I jumped up and yelled, out of instinct. "What's your problem!?"

She gave me a look like she was offended and said, "Uh... I thought you'd like that."

Why on earth would she assume I'd enjoy being sneezed on? I even asked her, "Why did you think that?"

She replied, "I dunno. Something you said on your profile, maybe."

For the record I had nothing on my profile about enjoying being sneezed on... in fact, the word "sneeze" was never even mentioned in my profile. After that I made sure we split dinner and nothing could make me ask Susan out again.

15 comments:

  1. Are you sure you weren't perfect for each other? You sound like a catch.

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    Replies
    1. I bet his profile said he was fun and easygoing - you know,that "he can roll with things and not get upset" - or some such variant. That, of course, did not extend to getting sneezed on (or maybe anything else in reality).

      Delete
  2. I call bullshit. Here is what really happened:
    You were at dinner, being rude (which is obvious from your first sentence), and then she accidentally sneezed on you. You flipped out because you are not a nice guy, and treated her poorly, yelling at her in public. However, you knew people wouldn't like this story, so you changed it to be that she sneezed on you on purpose, even though no evidence existed that would support it. Every sentence of your account drips with disrespect for women in general, especially considering the first sentence when the poor girl hadn't even sneezed on you yet. While I agree that being sneezed on is not fun, and is gross, your reaction was totally out of line. Yesterday at the airport, a woman I was talking to spit on my lips accidentally. It was icky, but rather than embarrass her, I simply took out a sanitary wipe, and wiped the spit off my lips and face. Even though I have an auto-immune disease, and am on immuno-suppressive medication, which means that being spit, sneezed or coughed on by strangers is a serious hazard to my health, I still treated her like a human being. Have you read the book American Psycho? That could be you. I am glad you didn't ask her on another date, because you are a meanie.

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    Replies
    1. Since you're a girl, all I heard was something about sneezing or whatever.

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    2. I agree with Megan. Tim is a dick.

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    3. I agree with Megan as well, too many sociopaths in this world

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  3. OP mentioned on his profile that he liked "money shots" but didn't specify if he liked giving them or getting them. Since his date was a girl, sneezing on him was the best she could do.

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    Replies
    1. Is that really the BEST she could do...?

      If she ain't squirtin', you ain't trying hard enough...

      Delete
    2. Fun fact of the day:

      Women who squirt are not, in fact, enjoying an orgasm so hard that they projectile ejaculate. The truth is that they are involuntarily peeing a bit with the force of it or because the penis or sexual instrument used is too large.

      If I'm wrong, I read the wrong scientific study in college.

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    3. Thank you Briana for reading that scientific study so that we didn't have to. Actually ,you are correct. My friend who was going to med school mentioned that when the subject of sex came up.

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    4. It was certainly not by choice, but an interesting read nevertheless. Ah, the things you read when searching for relevant research paper topics in a women studies course. Also, the one man in that class was so bullied I legitimately think he developed PTSD by the end of the semester.

      Not making any pointed remarks against anyone, of course. That class was just a world of its own

      Delete
    5. Nope, you read the wrong scientific study. Female ejaculate is not urine, and the better medical research backs that up AFAIK. (Also, personal experience: I have a partner who squirts. I can attest that what is coming out of her is definitely not pee.)

      Delete
  4. OP, you sound like you fly off the handle at the smallest thing. I mean you had no idea until she admitted she did it on purpose that it wasn't an accident. Ass.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. Oh dear... OP is the bad date. And it made me laugh how completely unaware of Susan's sarcasm.

    ReplyDelete

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