4/21/2016

Windows 98

(Click here to check out EPISODE ZERO, my new Star Wars comedy fan film! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Andy:

When I was on a business trip to Beijing in 1998, I met Elizabeth, another visiting American, in my hotel. We chatted, drank, and had a great night in my hotel room. I figured it would be just one of those ships passing in the night situations, but imagine my surprise when she somehow found my work number (which I had not given her) and called me when I was back in the states the following week.

"Hi! It's Elizabeth! We met in Beijing last week. Want to get together?"

I lived in Florida. She lived in California. It was weird enough that she had found my number, but perhaps weirder still that she wanted to meet up. We lived on completely different coasts and I was under the strong impression that we had a one-night stand.

I told her, "I appreciate your call, but I don't really do the long-distance thing."

She said, "That's okay! I can fly to Florida to see you! You work at 115 Trans Ocean Parkway in Miami and you live in Coral Gables. At 60 Ranken Avenue. Right?"

Alarm bells were ringing off the hook in my head. She had both addresses right. I said, "I'm really not comfortable with this, so I'm going to go."

I hung up on her and she called me right back. Again. Again. Again. She finally left me a voicemail in which she said, "I'm flying out there tomorrow! See you soon!" and then she cackled the highest, creepiest, most insane laughter I've ever heard.

I informed/reminded the security guards at my work not to let anyone in to see me unless they called up to me, first. I also tested my home alarm system that night.

I went in to work the next day and nothing out of the ordinary happened. When I came home, though, some of my windows were broken. But my alarm hadn't gone off! I called the police and the alarm company. Nothing was taken from my house. Indeed, the holes in the windows were none of them large enough for a person to fit through. It was as if someone threw pebbles through them. But there were otherwise no messages or notes to me to indicate what had happened or who had done it.

Insurance covered the damage to my windows. A few days later, Elizabeth called and left me a voicemail in which she said, "I heard about your windows. That sucks."

I forwarded the information to the police, but I guess nothing ever came of it.

13 comments:

  1. Yikes. This went way beyond a bad date and nosedived straight into dangerous stalker territory.

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  2. She broke your windows with pebbles? So she shot them with a BB gun?

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  3. "I broke the windows out your house..."

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    Replies
    1. Have u met buttface?

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    2. Buttface has his own song?! Whoa!

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  4. I think the scariest part of this whole story is that it was 1998. Google maps didn't exist and it was pretty hard to stalk people on the internet (don't ask me how I know that, goddamn Jenny McCarthy and her restraining orders). How the hell did she find that info? Probably went through your wallet while you slept in Beijing. That's what I would have done (goddamn Yao Ming and his restraining orders!).

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  5. Dayum... I hope the vadge was worth it...

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  6. Andy must have been a wicked good lay to inspire such a refined level of crazy.

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    Replies
    1. Isn't Beijing hotel sex ALWAYS good?

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  7. I recently came across a book on dating where the advice about one night stands and fuck buddies was essentially: enjoy it, but don't expect it to lead to anything long-term. Men don't view sex the same way women do usually do.

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    Replies
    1. Steve thinks promiscuity is yucky.

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    2. Unless it's comment promiscuity. Then it's hawt!

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