7/07/2015

What's in the Box?

Story Sent in by Nancy:

I went on one date with Joe. I wasn't feeling it and so when he emailed me to ask for a second date, I let him down as gently as possible.

He wrote me back immediately and asked me what he could do to convince me to go out with him a second time. I thanked him once more for his interest (looking back I never ought to have responded) but emphasized that I didn't think we were a good match and I wished him the best.

He called me a few times and I didn't pick up. He didn't leave any messages. Then he emailed me, "I'm going crazy here. You're making a big mistake. Give me one more chance. I promise it'll be everything you want."

I didn't write back at all. Then he emailed me, "Pick one: nose, ear, or lips. If you don't pick one, I'll send you my severed head."

There was no response on my part. He later wrote back, "Expect my head this week. Goodbye."

Several days later, a head-sized box showed up with the mail at my apartment. It had his name on it as a return address and was covered in postage. I guess it was heavy enough to be a head, but I threw it in the dumpster without opening it. If he really did decapitate himself, it was a wasted effort.

The unsettling part was that he never contacted me again, and his dating site profile hasn't been updated since then.

10 comments:

  1. You think he's dead? That's silly; let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

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  2. He needs his head examined....I hope they find it before the hungry, wild animals.

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  3. At least he gave you a heads-up about the package.

    Seriously though, how would he manage to seal the box and apply postage after cutting off his own head? You'd have to know your UPS man REALLY well to ask him for that favor.

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  4. @ JMG - Nice Seven reference :-)

    Also, I like how the date was trying to 1up Van Gogh. Nose, ear, or lips....nah fuck it. The whole head bitches!

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  5. Thanks! I so hoped someone would pick it out.

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  6. I find it impossible to read that sentence without screaming "WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!" It gets problematic at work.

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  7. She tried to shut him down and he lost his head over it. He should have been more headstrong. This is no way to get ahead in life. He needs to learn to face his problems head-on.

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  8. ^ But Tourist, he's so hard headed! The OP tried to head him off at the pass but he went head first into offering her body parts.

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  9. I’m scratching my head trying to figure out who packed and mailed the box.

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    Replies
    1. Like a chicken with it's head cut off, his body lived on long enough to tape up the box and stumble to the post office.

      Delete

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