12/13/2014

Burnout

Story Sent in by Reeta:

Jesse was a one-night stand who I met on Plentyoffish. He took me out to dinner and we had a good time together. The following morning, I woke up in an empty bed. The first thing I thought was that he had left. Well, that's what one-night stands are all about. But then I smelled something burning. Toast?

I sat up, sniffed the air, and looked around. The air was smokey. I called out, "Jesse?!"

My closet door burst open. I screamed. Jesse was in one of my sundresses, and completely dolled up with too much blush and enough lipstick to make it look like he had eaten a raw horse heart.

"It's the Jesse show!" he announced.

I screamed some more. He slapped his hands to his face and said, "Something's burning! Must be me!"

I threw a pillow at him and told him to take off my dress and makeup and leave. I ran for the kitchen and found toast on fire in the toaster.

"I thought that was a nice touch," he told me as he pulled his pants on and wiped off his face. "Burning. You know. Burning love."

"Could you just leave, please?" I asked him.

He made for the door awkwardly, like he was wearing a pair of my heels. Turns out he was in a pair of my heels. "Give those back!" I yelled.

I practically shoved the half-naked crazy guy out of my apartment. Then I opened all my windows and turned on my fans.

A day later, one of my lipsticks found its way into my mailbox. He must have taken it with him and returned it. Thanks. I threw it out and never heard from Mr. Burning Love again.

8 comments:

  1. Having done my fair share of dating off of POF, I don't discount this one bit. Thank the gods above I live with my mom, who discourages me from doing this shit.

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  2. Yes, thanks the gods for your mom's total cockblock

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  3. Well, that's one way to go.

    Also, I agree with Snarkastic. What's up with your mom trying to keep you safe and shit OSW? Cockblocking all those potential STDs you are trying to collect. GOD!

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  4. This is one of the many reasons...you know, besides rape and murder...that you shouldn't take someone home that you just met. I dated a guy for four months and he never did know exactly where I lived. LOL

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  5. @outstretchedwings: Mother is going to keep you right here under her wing. She won't let you fly, but she MIGHT let you sing...

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  6. ^ Remember, you can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!

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  7. The snark is strong is strong in this one. Lol

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  8. I have sat on this site for hours at a time reading stores, and I have to say this is the first one that made me laugh so hard. Good job.

    ReplyDelete

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