11/13/2014

A Moving Experience

(The Austin Film Festival was a mighty party. Read my notes on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Ruby:

Oliver took me to a driving range for our first date. We both golfed, so I thought it was a fine idea. We split a bucket of balls and hit away.

After a little bit, Oliver set down his club and told me, "Back in a minute. Time to poop."

Thanks for letting me know. I tried to shake the image from my mind as I continued to hit.

When he returned, he said to me, "Just pooped. Now I'm good to go."

"Thanks for the information," I said.

"Do you need to poop? Now's a good time. The poop room's free."

"I'm good."

"You sure? You haven't pooped all night."

"Can we stop talking about this?"

"What? Poop? It's a natural human emotion."

I raised my voice, "Can we just stop talking about it?"

He stared at me like I was a lunatic and said, "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

Once we were done hitting balls, he made a quick exit and I never saw him again.

7 comments:

  1. He was upset that you didn't want to follow his act in the bathroom. You could have marinated in his.....essence.

    Also, taking a dump is not an "emotion", so much as an action. Granted, it can be an emotional action after that second burrito from Chipotle.

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  2. This whole story makes me feel poop.

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  3. Another one of those freaks who play a hinting game instead of outright saying, "Hey, I have a poop fetish - do you?" It would save a mess of time if it's that important to them.

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  4. He didn't flush. He wanted you to poop on his poop. You happened to catch this guy on opposites day.

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  5. I would've done the same thing, OP. The first date is way too soon for a Number Five.

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  6. He just wanted a Cleveland Steamer... you disappointed him.

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  7. At least he wasn't talking about doing a Number 3

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