Banging Around

Story Sent in by Annie:

Carl was a biker. I was a biker. We met at a biking Meetup and often chatted. We also hung out after riding a few times and had a nice time together.

One time he showed up for a ride with a really girly basket attached to the front of his bike. I joked, "Did you lose a bet or something?"

He didn't find it funny. "I needed a basket and it was free."

"Why do you need a basket?"

"You'll see."

We hung out again after the ride, went for a walk, and made out a little. Then he said he had to go run an errand and that he'd see me again next week.

At next week's ride, his basket had a lid. I asked him, "Okay, what is going on with your basket?"

He said, "Glad you asked. Open it and see."

I opened it. Inside was a gun.

I shut the basket and stepped away. "Jesus Christ! A gun? Why?"

He said, "In case someone tries to steal my bike. They're in for a surprise, that's all."

I asked, "As in if someone tried to steal your bike while you were... riding it? What if you lock it up outside somewhere and someone just opens the basket? Like a kid?"

"Then they'll know I mean business."

Nothing I said seemed to convince him that carrying a gun in his bike basket was a smart plan. So I hung out with him a lot less after that, and by a lot less, I mean not at all. I have no idea how things ever worked out (or didn't) with his bike theft deterrent.


  1. I was not reading "biker" meaning "bicyclist"; I was picturing a guy on a Harley with a white, pink-streamered basket on the front. I enjoyed that thought.

  2. @Ankh Ascendant: this is actually exactly how I understood the story.

  3. So if someone steals his bike, they'll have a bike and a gun? How is that a deterrent?

  4. Exactly what I was thinking, Anomalous. Putting a gun where it can easily be stolen is NOT responsible gun-ownership!

    There's this great invention called a holster, that would work much better than a basket.

  5. Until someone steals the holster.

  6. Take it from me, it's easier to steal a gun from someone's holster, than to steal the holster off someone's body.

  7. What if they were wearing only the holster? And possibly a paper bag on their head? I ask purely for research.

  8. Jared, I guess you never went to Burning Man before they banned guns? Naked hippies out in the desert with firearms = a hell of a party!

  9. You are not a biker. Bikers have Harley's. You are a cyclist. Cyclists have bicycles. With girly baskets.