8/17/2013

They See Me Pouchin'

Story Sent in by Charlene:

I thought it would be nice to have a picnic with Jeffrey for our first date. We both agreed to make something and buy something. I made cookies, he made salad. I bought drinks, he bought sandwiches. We had a great view of the city from a hill. It was a beautiful day. Everything was perfect.

When I was about halfway done with my sandwich, he said, "Did you know that not all people are born in the normal mammal way?"

I swallowed a bite. "Like, the stork brings some of us?"

He said, "No, as in some of us are reared in pouches, like kangaroos. My mom had a pouch and kept me in it for the first couple of years I was alive."

"That's... great," I said, waiting for the punch line.

He nodded and said, "It was very warm and moist. It was slippery. I stayed in it until she had my brother and her pouch fell off while she was on the toilet."

"Dear God," I said, "Was your brother in the pouch when it fell?"

"No. He was in his high-chair. I remember it clearly because my mother screamed about her pouch from inside the bathroom. It was the first time I had ever heard her scream."

That effectively killed the conversation for a little bit, until he asked, "Did your mother have a pouch?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh, you'd remember it. It was like this," and he put his hands under his pants a little and poked out his fingers to make the shape of, I guessed, a pouch. "More and more women are using them," he explained, "You know. A baby pouch."

I had no idea what he was talking about. Once the food was all in my stomach pouch, I ended the date with the crazy man.

5 comments:

  1. Where do these people come from? I want to say away from that place.
    In all seriousness my mom had pouch. It was warm and fuzzy not slippery. I think her mom thrifted out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JMG, Do you keep track of demographics of these storeis? I think you should publish graph of crazy dates vs city. age and gender etc.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This sounds like one of those super hero origin stories. The early life of Marsupial Man and his super power is mental illness.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My favorite super hero is Chimp Boy whose superpower is throwing his poo. No one fucks with Chimp Boy.
    http://www.gifcrap.com/v/Misc/Guy%20sneezes%20in%20the%20shower%20and%20shits%20on%20someone.gif.html

    ReplyDelete
  5. This story is giving my horrifying imagination a
    field day. Don't think I'll be right for the rest of
    the day.

    ReplyDelete

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