7/23/2013

Bear With Me

Story Sent in by Jaqui:

Ben and I met for our first date at a bar with an outdoor deck. We had spoken online for a little over a week, so I felt like I knew him fairly well.

"Full disclosure," he said not long after we sat down with our drinks, "I have a fantasy of women being eaten by bears. Would you be cool maybe trying that sometime?"

"…being eaten by bears?"

He nodded excitedly. "I know it's a little weird. We'd pretend. I wouldn't really take you out to the woods to die or something."

I had to hand it to him for his honesty, but no, we didn't end up feeding me to bears or even out on another date. I found him funny, in any case, and we're friends to this day.

22 comments:

  1. This story is lacking much needed detail. Does Ben simply want to watch a woman (or several?) being mauled by bears so he can bang her shredded and bloodied corpse or does Ben want to see a woman attacked within an inch of death, swoop in to save her and then bang her? I guess we can only say Ben is weird if he's into the necrophilia scenario. The OP should have taken Ben up on his pretend bear attack as I'm sure that mess would have been memorable. Rawr! I'm a scary bear!! Run bitch!

    This story does remind me of my perfect fiancé, Art Vandelay. Over a candle light dinner one night, he told me his fantasy was to bludgeon me to death with my lady lawyer briefcase, dismember my body and then store the pieces in said briefcase which he will deposit in a river. I may submit to this after our perfect wedding.

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  2. If you think the only reasons for getting turned on by bear attack are heroism or necrophilia, you don't have any very interesting fetishes. I could point you at some nice guro sites to rectify that.

    But since she didn't die, or pretend-die, and they stayed friends, I think it should be tagged with "happy ending", or maybe even something milder, like "doesn't make you lose faith in humanity quite as quickly as normal".

    Is it pointless to hope the Katiegirl meme will go away eventually?

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  3. @ Ankh - I think we all know that is pointless. The very last post on this website before the glorious nuclear holocaust will be "Most perfect way to die with the best boyfriend EVAH!!!!1!!!1!!1"

    I loved this story. Normally you hold back a bit of the fetish stuff for later on in the relationship but I appreciate the guy being up front with his kink. In that spirit OP, I think you should totally buy him this painting.

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  4. Devil, that fantasy is very blue collar. How can you call yourself the perfect lady lawyer?

    @OP, where is your sense of fun?

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  5. @ Architect - oh god why that painting again?!?

    It's the fuzzy placenta that puts me off my feed.

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  6. @ Fizziks - You knew it was coming. This day was unavoidable.

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  7. @ Ankh - You're right. I have no interesting fetishes and I'm not embarrassed by that. I'm a great lay and can suck a mean dick but nope, I just don't get the appeal of animal attacks, being defecated on, etc. I'm just boring vanilla and maybe a little anal when I drink.
    I also didn't ponder the bear attack thing too long (hence the two scenarios) because, you know, it's a story that was meant to be funny and I wasn't aware I had to research the why's and how's of it to comment. I'm sure all the other bear attack fetishist will also be offended and basically call me a prude but fuck 'em. If you get a hard on from something like that, you should probably be aware most people think it unusual.

    And the KG meme will die when another uppity twat swoops in and starts boasting about their made up life.

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  8. @ Devil - We need a good uppity twat around here!

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  9. Is this going to be reveal our fetishes day on ABCoTD? I'm going to be so outclassed on this one.

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  10. My non-weird fetish is to be anally raped by a gorilla with a porcupine quill while a hyena degrades me by laughing at me.

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  11. Dang Howie, I don't even want to know what your weird fetish is...

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  12. As far as anal rape goes, a single quill doesn't seem so bad.

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  13. It seems like all these comment threads tend to end in anal rape. Now why does that remind me of my street corner job......Humm.

    Oh yeah, hi momdad/Blue Blue! I've almost got my half of the rent together. About to go on a "date" with this guy and he promises to pay big money. He's dressed in a bear costume.

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  14. It's so great when kids show entrepreneurial promise. That reminds me of how I made ends meet in high school. It was hard work but helped me start my online business.

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  15. I read these at work, and I am WAY too scared to click on ANY of the links in the comments.

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  16. You're missing out Shoe! Most are safe for work....except when they're not.

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  17. I thought about requesting that people put a NSFW warning before such things, but I think it's safe to assume that they're all not safe for work.

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  18. @ JMG - I will happily self police if you think that is best, but weirdly I think all of my were technically ok today, except possibly the first :)

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  19. Don't self-censor. Like a child touching a stove, all I had to do was click just one of your links to learn not to click on any of them with my mother looking over my shoulder. Or your mother, for that matter.

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  20. I see what you did there, J. I've got the visual. Well, if we're sharing fetishes, then I'll let y'all know that I'm really into candle wax. hot candle wax. Was that an overshare? Also, I'm trying to think of something uppity to make up about my life, but I've got nothin' Also, the bear thing kind reminds me of that furby fetish. Isn't there one of those? Idk. Anyhow, have a good night y'all.

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  21. @ Tannette - Small difference between a Furby and a Furry. Although I'm sure some children have grown up to have an unhealthy relationship with their Furby.

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  22. LOL! Oh Lord I was tired.

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