6/16/2013

Defenestrated Versatile Disc

Story Sent in by Lori:

On my fourth date with Thomas, I was at his 10th-floor apartment for the night and we couldn't decide on which DVD to watch. He wanted horror. I wanted crime drama. He picked a film I can't remember, but it had a title like Blood Monsters of the Dark Abyss or something similar.

I told him, "That sounds a lot like horror, to me."

He replied, "It actually has a strong crime drama subplot. There are gangsters in it."

Thinking that it was smart of him to find a film that combined our tastes, I told him to go for it. He popped it in and we watched it all the way through. It lacked a plot, good characterization, and, most notably, any sort of crime drama elements. There were no gangsters in it at all. It was essentially 90 minutes of dime-store-quality monsters jumping out at attractive people and ripping them into bits.

Once the credits rolled, I said, "Wow. Some crime drama."

"You didn't like it?" he said.

I told him, "Uh... not really. It wasn't at all what you said it would be."

He took the DVD out of the player, hurried to his living room window, opened it, and tossed it out the window!

"Oh my God!" I said, "What are you doing?"

He gave me a quizzical look. "You didn't like it. Now you never have to watch it again. You're welcome."

I said, "Are you nuts? What if it hit somebody?"

"At midnight? No one's outside. You worry too much. I'm going to bed."

He swept past me, entered his bedroom, then closed and locked the door behind himself. After processing the events, I left his place and drove home to sleep. I decided not to contact him unless he contacted me, and he hasn't.

8 comments:

  1. so if he contacted you... you'd have let him pay for dinner again?

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  2. OP seems a bit on the uptight side. I definitely would not have watched a movie like that, but then again I'm a romantic comedy nut. I probably would have thought of a few ways to distract him instead. ;) I mean, isn't the point of scary movies that the girl clings to the guy and hides her face in his chest? And I liked that he threw the DVD out the window. That was kinda cute. Maybe that's just the kind of guy that my crazy ass should have been dating. lol

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  3. Dodged a bullet there OP. My experience is that if a guy uses some weak excuse for not providing the well overdue 4th date penis ride, he's only packing a totally empty ball sack and a dick the size of a cashew.

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  4. Hmmm. I never thought of it that way TryN2Fly.

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  5. @ Tanette - I like to hide my face in the girl's chest. Makes scary movies much easier to watch.


    Are you sure this movie wasn't Chunky Horse? I swear I saw this same movie late one night on HBO.

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  6. Chunky Horse ain't no dime-store quality film. In fact, Congressional motions are in place to have it selected for preservation in the National Film Registry...

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  7. Reminds me of college when my formal dance date lived out of town and I had no car (my roommate was her ride and he was with his GF). She wanted a little somethin' somethin' but I declined and offered her my other roommate's bed below (he wasn't there) while I slept in the loft. If that doesn't make me a bad date, the roommate whose bed she borrowed had flaky skin at the time.

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