5/13/2013

Signs and Blunders

Story Sent in by Lila:

Jay made the unusual email request of asking me what I planned to wear on our first date. I told him that I'd probably be in a nice blouse and a dress.

His response: "A dress? Oh. OK."

Not sure what that meant. I wrote him back, "Would you rather I was in pants?" but he didn't reply to that, as the day of our date had come.

In person, some of the first words out of his mouth? "I'll be damned! You are in a dress! Hoo-wee!"

"Is that okay?" I asked him, immediately apprehensive.

"It's a first date and all, but if you're sure that's what you want—"

"What are you talking about?"

He smirked. "There's only one reason why a woman wears a dress on a date. I know it. You know it. God knows it. Works for me and Him if it works for you." He bumped his crotch at me a few times.

I didn't realize that God had an opinion on the matter. I said, "I'm sure that all three of us would want me treated with respect."

"You sure about that?"

"I am."

"Oh," he said, then nodded, backed away, and ran off, into the night. I was shocked, but also relieved that that was likely to be the end of things.

However, I was wrong. He jogged back not half a minute later, all out of breath. "Hey um... could you maybe go change into pants or something? Then we can start over with this whole show."

I answered, "Let's see if I do that," and I hurried back to my car, drove back home, and locked the door tight.

9 comments:

  1. On a positive note, Jay didn't say women in skirts or dresses in general are asking for the sex - just those who wear them on dates. It's that kind of logic that separates regular rapists from date rapists.

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  2. He sounds like those people who say that sexual assault victims are "asking for it" when they get asasulted. Way to go OP for leaving.

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  3. I don't get it. This guy sounds like a catch.

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  4. Jay and God both know you were angling for some ice cream. Because how are you gonna fish a plastic fork outta pants?

    That crotch bump? He was just trying to guess
    your preferred flavor.

    Checkmate, Lila.

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  5. Some women have a specific article of clothing they like to refer to as a "F*ck-me-dress." Mayhaps Jay was alluding to this...

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  6. I have a specific article of clothing I call my "Ice Cream Dress". It's cut high at the front for a quick draw of my dessert cutlery. And by "dessert cutlery I mean penis. Checkmate Jay.

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  7. I have a cute black dress. It's short and flarey. And it definitely shows a lot of cleavage. I can't wait to wear it for Steve. ;)

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  8. Maybe Jay and the salt and pepper lady can get together!!!!!!

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  9. Cute black dress vs Ice Cream dress, game on.

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