4/03/2013

You Don't Need Pants for the Victory Dance

Story Sent in by Evelyn:

Glen's message stood out among a bushel of others in my inbox due to how witty it was. It literally made me laugh out loud, and so I wrote him back and we kept up a pretty lively flurry of emails until he asked me out on a date to a venue with live comedy and music, right on the shore. It was a place I had always wanted to try, and I couldn't wait to be there with him.

Dinner was great, the comedians were hysterical, and the wine went right to my head. After a while, he asked me if I wanted to take a walk on the beach in the warm summer air. I did, and I followed him out, but he led me to his car in the parking lot.

Thinking we were going to drive somewhere, I climbed in, but as soon as he closed his own door, he threw himself at me.

Yes, I had imbibed, but not enough to throw my smarts to the winds. I firmly pushed him off and said, "Maybe we should just go for that walk."

I didn't really feel like going on a walk with him, anymore, but I also didn't want to upset a tipsy guy with a proclivity for the physical. He said, "All right. Let's go."

I stepped out of his car and closed the door behind me. When I made it to his side of the car, I found him with his door open, wiggling out of his pants.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

He pulled his pants completely off, stood up in his nice dress shirt and boxers, presented his arm to me, and said, "Let's walk."

I stepped away a few paces and said, "Put your pants on."

"No!" He stomped up and down on his pants on the ground, to really drive his point home.

No one else was in the immediate area, but we were in a pretty packed parking lot. It was only a matter of time before someone came by to see me speaking with the pantsless wonder.

Without a word, I turned and hurried to my car. He fast-walked after me, wearing a scary grin. I took the fastest way possible through the rows of vehicles and made it into my car and locked the doors.

I started the engine and he tapped on the window. "Hey, aren't you forgetting something? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me?"

I drove away from him. Maybe I should've stopped by where his pants lay in the lot and grabbed them, to teach him a lesson. But alas, I didn't, and he and his pants were left to terrify for another day.

15 comments:

  1. I just gotta ask the guys - does this kind of approach ever work for any man anywhere? Is there an apocryphal anecdote that guys keeps telling each other where taking off your pants or whipping out your junk on a first date without being prompted by the other person ended up with hot sex? That has to be it because I can't see why some guys keep doing this.

    Gotta hand it to Glen though. He added a whole new dimension to his lazy rapey persona when he threw in the stomping tantrum. So childlike yet so creepy.

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  2. I'm so glad you were able to get out of this situation. I've been in precarious situations myself that I have been lucky to get out of. I've learned a lot over the past decade. Good thinking on your feet.

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  3. @ The Devil You Know - See: How I Met Your Mother, season 4, episode 9 "The Naked Man". This will clear up everything.

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  4. Wait one sec, she chose to drink even though she driving?! Totally not excusing this idiots behaviour but maybe if she had not been tipsy, she would have not got in the car with a stranger!

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  5. Architect-- I was thinking the same thing.

    A lot of guys with poor social skills end up watching a lot of tv. And on sitcoms, when someone says "Let's go for a walk..." Or "Do you want to come see my apartment?" It means that in 30 seconds, everyone will be naked. Some clueless men don't realize that real people don't behave that way.

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  6. Yep yep, my friend was just talking to me about how I met your mother's "naked man" and he said its like a 50% chance it will get them laid or something?

    I guess it really depends on the girl and how attracted she is to the guy + the atmosphere.

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  7. It's not just men that do this. I had a woman who had her panties off as soon as I got her back to my condo.
    I would have went for it too if it didn't look like she was giving a leg-lock to Don King down there....Ladies, remember to always be prepared and to 'landscape thy bush' in case an impromptu bangin' is to happen!

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  8. sigh...my comments are always a "comment-killer" ...I know...I'll get it back on track..

    "ChUnkY HoRsE!

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  9. I thought it was common sense for most women to trim the jungle before a date/meet up with a potential bang buddy but I guess not.

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  10. A Fan's Cut

    http://afanscut.blogspot.com/

    This is my blog on how Great Films Could Have Been Made Differently.

    if you have time then please take a look.

    I'm also looking to collaborate with a screenwriter.

    Comments are welcome

    Sorry for disturbing,thanks.

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  11. I think this date is a good reason why someone would limit themselves to not drinking alcohol or only having a few drinks.

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  12. @ David Washington - Soooooooo.....Have you seen Chunky Horse, and if so, would you rate it as ridiculously amazing or fucking awesome?

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  13. @Miss Fox:
    maybe if she had not been tipsy, she would have not got in the car with a stranger!

    I'm kind of surprised that this is the only victim blaming we have (so far) but this is really weak. Lots of the stories here have the OP and the date in the same vehicle. I don't think her assumption that he wanted to drive to another part of the beach for the walk is irrational and only possible via alcohol. This would have happened even if she'd be stone sober.

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  14. Sorry, missed the comment from KatieGirl when I said there was only one victim blaming comment.

    Unless of course KatieGirl's talking about Glen drinking too much, which would make more sense since the OP doesn't indicate having more than a few drinks.

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