4/22/2013

Tweedledum and Tweedledumber

Story Sent in by Seth:

Dina and I got to know each other online, and when the time was right, I asked her out to dinner.

About a minute before I arrived there, she sent me a text: "I'm inside!" When I arrived inside and looked everywhere for her, she sent me another text: "I'm on my way!"

Despite her apparent violation of the laws of physics, I sat at the bar and waited for her, until her second "I'm inside!" text arrived.

I found her at a booth, sitting next to another girl. She introduced the other girl as Emily, her roommate. Emily had a smile that showed way too much of her gums, and she had about three chins.

At first, I was polite. Then, when it became apparent that Emily wasn't going anywhere, I said, "It was nice to meet you, Emily. You heading out?"

Emily laughed at that, and she said, "I can probably bench more than you."

I agreed, "You're probably right. It was nice meeting you."

Emily wouldn't let up, though. "You need to see me bench! I can bench 250!"

Throwing all politeness to the winds, I asked Dina, "Why is Emily here? I thought this was a date."

Dina said, "Emily's my roommate and bodyguard, so you just think twice before trying anything."

I was insulted. My first instinct was to leave. That might have been the smart thing. Instead, I said, "Believe me, I'd be far more likely to try something with Emily than with you."

Stunned silence from the girls across the table. Emily looked as if it was the first time anyone had ever given her a compliment. Then, Dina glanced at Emily and said, "Really? Why?"

Emily's turn to get mad. She turned to Dina and said, "Eww. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Belatedly, I took my cue to leave. "Excuse me, ladies," I said, but they probably didn't even notice, as by that point, they were bickering amongst themselves.

12 comments:

  1. Very well done, OP!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I do this to my co-workers all the time. I call it "ant-farming," because I liken their daily trials and tribulations to those of a captive ant colony, existing solely for my entertainment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well played OP, well played.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I used to work with these two women, both college educated, who acted like juvenile fools. I used to refer them as tweedle dumb and tweedle dumbass. Hey, it was a job prior to going to law school.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wish I worked with people. I am my own tweedledumbass.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like how she defied physics. Very Schrodinger's Cat.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good job op!!!! for having smarts to make em bicker!!!!1 lol ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  8. Best end of a date I've seen in a while.

    ReplyDelete
  9. If Dina looked anything like Emily, you could have covered yourself with steaks and snickers bars and had yourself a fat blubbery threesome!

    Nothing is sexier than two porky narwhals wheezing heavily, sweating profusely and slowly crushing you beneath their bulbous, jiggly, dumpster bodies.

    I'm at half chub just thinking about it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'll bet you are Saggy. And Steve you know you betta not play that with me. I don't argue. I pull a knife out my bra. Muhahahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  11. This sounds a little too well played, like one of those things you wish you had said, except now it's 4 hours too late. Very entertaining though!

    ReplyDelete

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.