3/01/2013

Absolute Dinner Corrupts Absolutely

Story Sent in by Samara:

Jason was an Internet date who I met in person for dinner. At one point, he asked me what I wanted in life. I told him that my goal was happiness and a family.

Then, when I asked him, he said, "Power!" He gave me a devilish grin as if it was maybe meant to be a joke, but I didn't get it.

I asked him, "What do you really want?"

He said, "What I just said. Power. Lots of it. You can get anything you want with power. Happiness, family, more power, anything."

I had to ask, "And how are you going to get power?"

He said, "There's a law of conservation of power. There's a set amount that can't be created or destroyed, but for someone to get some, someone else has to lose some. But losing some isn't such a bad thing if the goal is worth it."

I didn't understand him at all. "Uh-huh..."

He then asked, "Would you mind giving some to me? I promise I'll use it for good. You just have to say, 'Here's some power,' and I'll take care of the rest."

"I... no."

He said, "C'mon. Make with the power."

I laughed. "Are you crazy or something? What are you talking about?"

"You'll see. Just give me some and I'll take care of the rest."

I said, "Fine. Here. Have some power."

He clenched two fists and shook, as if actually receiving a power infusion. His jowls vibrated in a frightening gyration. After a few seconds of the show, he stopped and flopped back in his seat. He said, "That was really generous. Thank you. So what looks good to you on the menu?"

Dinner, beyond the exchange of power that had taken place, was, by comparison, normal. Unsurprisingly, though, that was our only date.

12 comments:

  1. Is there such a thing as a non-frightening gyration?

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    Replies
    1. You obviously haven't been to enough strip clubs.

      Delete
    2. He prefers J Date and CougarLife.

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  2. I can't believe there was no second date after those sexy jowls

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  3. At least he wasn't concerned with his Purity Of Essence. Your power could have been contaminated. With cooties. Sanity-flavored cooties.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used to love that band! Cootie and the Blowfish!

      Delete
  4. He really should have just called the Power company. They hook that shit up every day!

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  5. Well, this is a much more civilized way of absorbing someone else's power than decapitating them, a la Highlander...

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    Replies
    1. You beat me to it. At least he didn't say "There can be only one!!" and behead the OP.

      -Andrew

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  6. At first I just thought he was making this reference...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dJolYw8tnk

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's what you get for dating Emperor Palpatine, OP.

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  8. I'm fairly certain people telling him to "take their power" is a sexual turn on for him. And he creamed his pants right there at the table.

    But, I guess this is better than how most of these stories end; with him creeping on you and trying to have you suck his floppy jowls.

    ReplyDelete

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