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6/12/2012

Put Our Heads Together

Story Sent in by Nick:

For our first date, Sarah suggested that I pick the place for dinner, and she offered to pick the post-dinner activity. It sounded like a fun idea. I took her out to an American-fare place that I remembered she said she liked, and afterward, she named a bar with pool tables and we went there.

While there, she likely had about a gallon of alcohol, and she was all over me for a little while. That was, until another guy showed up, a long-haired, wiry guy she evidently recognized as...

"Arthur!" she squealed and gave him a colossal hug. She launched right into talking to him, so I had to introduce myself.

He ordered us a round of drinks, but I took him aside and told him, "I think Sarah's had enough."

Arthur laughed and said, "She's a big girl," and passed her a shot.

Sarah, who was already acting like a bewildered monkey, became even more intoxicated. I told her, "I think you've had enough." Arthur heard me say that, and immediately ordered her another shot. I noticed him encroaching closer and closer to her, playing with her hair, rubbing her back, and so on.

I told the bartender, "I think Sarah's had enough," but even that fell on deaf ears. Confident, then, that I had done everything I could, I finished my own drink and turned to see Sarah kissing Arthur, his hand squarely on her ass.

Well, date over. I called a cab company, informed Sarah that a cab was coming to pick her up, paid my tab, and left. I doubt she even noticed I was gone.

Two hours later, she called me. "Heeeey," she thundered into the phone, "Can you pick me up? Arthur hit a guardrail!"

I had to laugh, but contained most of it. I asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said, as if my concern was completely unwarranted, "Come pick me up."

"Why didn't you take the cab I called for you?"

She said, "I don't remember you doing that. We're stuck out here and we lost our cell phones. Come pick us up!"

"If your cell phone is lost, then how are you calling me?"

She snorted. "Pick us up before the cops show up. There's no way Arthur's passing a breath test. His pants zipper's stuck!"

"I think you're on your own."

She laughed, "Good, good. When will you be here? We crashed because I was giving him road head. I didn't want to swallow so I picked my head up but he forced me down and so he crashed!" She laughed again. What a winner I was dealing with.

"I have to go, Sarah."

"Okeeee. See you soon." We hung up.

At five in the morning, she texted, "Where are u?" but I was already well on my way to forgetting her by then.

12 comments:

Note to self: Don't date bar sluts.

Spectacular. This one belongs in a "Best of" book.

Now THIS girl sounds more like a dinner wh0re than the girl in the last story. She shamelessly tried to use the OP to the end. I wouldn't be surprised if meeting Arthur was planned in advance.

"I think she had enough" of you telling her that she's 'had enough'. Were you her date or father? Geezus..

I'd like to hear her version and I bet it has something to do with you being such a prude and lame, so she moved on to Arthur. If you lightened up a bit, you'd probably be the one who got road head. Wank.

Ridiculously stupid drunk phone calls are precisely the reason my ringer is on silent every night.

Maybe the guy's looking for something a little more interesting than a drunken blow job?
As you get older you realise that sometimes you don't have sex with a woman just because you can.

Best story in a long time. Thank you!

I hope not...and I'm 76 years young

Should have asked her where they were and then called the cops.

Wow. Great story, terrible date.
OP did all he could, hope he has better luck next time.

76? If true, that might be the most pathetic thing I've ever read.

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