3/28/2012

Objet F'art

Story Sent in by Madeline:

By day, James did administrative work for a theater company. By night, he was an artist who rented out a studio space for his creations. On our date, he took me out to a nice restaurant and regaled me with stories of his art, himself, and even showed me some photos of an exhibition he was in. The conversation was good, although he was a bit full of himself.

Around the midpoint of dinner, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. When he returned, he said, "I made you something. A portrait."

Intrigued, I asked him for details. He then showed me a cell phone picture of a filled toilet, thankfully stuffed (mostly) with toilet paper.

"Ugh!" I leaned away from the picture.

He glanced at the image and held it up for me to see again. "It was supposed to be you. I meant to crap out a picture of your face, but it's always unpredictable. That's where the toilet paper comes in. It's a little esoteric, but I think–"

"Check please," I said to the waiter, who mercifully appeared at that moment to check on us. James appeared to be so stunned that he didn't say a word as I reached into my purse, pulled out an amount I thought fair for my meal, slammed it on the table, and left him alone with a cell phone picture of a filled toilet bowl.

12 comments:

  1. How could she not view a bowel movement as high art? What a Philistine!

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  2. Wait, this can't be right. The OP left at the EXACT MOMENT her date started acting like a douche?!? She didn't stick around for dinner, or play along in order to stroke his ego, or to see if he would magically turn into a prince at the stroke of midnight?

    Jared, it's clear that you need to stop taking liberties with your editing of these stories. This story is completely implausible and defies reality as we know it. I think we all realize that what must have actually happened is that the OP stuck around to nurture her daddy issues, even after James hit on the waitress and started a fight with the maitre'd, and ended up giving him a blowjob in order to get a ride home... right? Right?

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  3. I'm beginning to think all these stories are bogus. On myveryworstdate.com, they're never this short. All these stories never give background, they just talk about how the date acted weird, went to the bathroom, etc. I smell a rat.

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  4. And the stories that are thickly packed with background are very interesting to read, I'm sure. We receive plenty of those types of stories. They usually don't make it on here.

    On abadcaseofthedates.com, we like to give the posters the benefit of the doubt and post well-written, concise stories. If you don't like it, then go ahead and read the bad date story site of your choice.

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  5. I'm glad the stories aren't that long. Unless the background directly affects the suck factor of a date I don't give a hoot. With something like this I don't want to have to read half a novel so I can point and laugh.

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  6. I read both sites and i like both. This one though in my opinion has more well written stories. My only complain, if you can call it that, is that this site has one new story a day and sometimes two. Jared since you get so many stories cant you add some more? Ok i know its time consuming to edit but maybe we can help?

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  7. I read both sites, and I am so very often annoyed with the bad writing and excessive exposition on MVWD. ABCoTD has some editorial pride! If you want quality, you go to Jared's.

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  8. I'm a speed-reader, so I went and read the most recent 20 or so stories on MVWD, and that site seems pretty lame. First of all, all the stories are submitted by women, so there's almost always a "dinner whore" vibe by the OP. "He was ugly and lame and I totally wasn't interested but I'm such a big-hearted person I decided to let him take me to dinner anyway." We on ABCotD would tear those entitled OPs to pieces.

    That leads me to my second gripe - the posts on MVWD are apparently moderated and there is a time delay before your post appears so that they can make sure your comment isn't "too hurtful." What a bunch of lame pansies. ABCotD may have trolls, but that's part of what makes it so much fun! Seeing an OP or even a very out-of-touch commenter occasionally get shredded is part of what makes ABCotD so special and creates a warm fuzzy in my cynical soul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I only moderate comments that aren't hurtful enough.

      Delete
    2. Wow, even though you warned me, I still gave it a shot. What a snore. And the work/roommate sites were just as bad.

      Delete
  9. OK, OK. Yeah i agree with whoever said you need to post more stories. The less stories you have on here, the more work i actually have to do lol.

    ReplyDelete

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