1/09/2012

Hockey Balboa

Story Sent in by Elizabeth:

Duncan and I met online. For our first date, he offered to take me out to lunch and then the plan was to toss a frisbee around a park and take it from there.

The morning of our date, he called and asked me, "Do you like hockey?"

I recall him telling me in one of his messages that he was in a local hockey league. I'm not a big fan of the game, but I replied, "I like it well enough. Why?"

"Meet me at 1150 Campbell Avenue for a surprise. Just come right in."

1150 Campbell Avenue was a hockey rink. When I went inside, there was Duncan in his full hockey uniform, surrounded by a dozen other guys, dressed similarly, walking back and forth with sticks and hockey equipment. Duncan jammed a slice of soggy pizza toward me. "Free pizza! And hockey! You get both, today!"

"Uh, thanks. Are we going on a date?"

He turned to one of his teammates, who carried a few hockey sticks over toward the rink. Duncan said, "Do we have a spare uniform? I want Liz to play with us!"

I was mortified. The teammate said, "We might. I'll go look—"

I said, "Please don't. I'm not playing hockey."

"Yeah, Liz!" Duncan yelled and slapped my back, "She's playing hockey!"

"Ow!" I said, "I'm leaving unless we're going out."

Duncan said, "Wait here. I'll go see myself if we have a spare uniform for you. Never let anyone say that I wouldn't let you in on the game. For the love of the game!" He punched the air with both fists and pushed through his teammates who continued to prepare for the game. He disappeared into a door, and I left the rink then and there.

I had about made it back to my car outside when I heard Duncan yell from the rink entrance. "Hey! I found you equipment! Get back here!"

"Bye, Duncan!" I yelled as I stepped into my car. He ran for me with a jersey and mask. I locked my doors and turned the car on. He smashed at the glass over and over with the mask. I drove away and I saw, in my rearview, that he was chasing me down the street, yelling, "Liz! Liz!"

Neither of us contacted the other after that incident, and I'm that much the better for it.

8 comments:

  1. You played right into his plan to be single forever.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Never underestimate a man's ability to do exactly what he wants to do and blame a woman for complaining about it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. One does not simply walk into a hockey game.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ^Apparently, one does simply walk out.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hyperfocused I would agree with your statement if it included both genders, examples can be found in both genders.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wait, if he was already in full gear, then wouldn't he also be in full skates? Do you know how hard it is to walk in ice skates, much less run after a speeding vehicle?

    I call bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't care. This was the funniest bullshit I've read all day.

      Delete
  7. A psycho, not wearing the hockey mask, but using it as a weapon.
    Nice twist.

    ReplyDelete

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