12/11/2011

Sweet, Salty, Sour, and...

Email Sent in by Rhoda:

I am not nor will I ever ask you for sex! I am a programmable guy! I will do whatever you want! Whenever you want! I exist just to be a slave to women! This should be music to your perfect woman ears! I will lick the dirt from your shoes and beg for more! GIVE ME MORE DIRT! GIVE ME MORE DIRT!!!

This you will likely welcome, you being a woman. This is exactly the guy that my ex wanted me to be! No sex! No reciprocity! Just me doing everything! Everything! EVERYTHING!!! Just ask me for something and I will snap my fingers and it will be done! I am a guy! That makes me lower than an animal! The way you look in your photos makes me think that you will be a fine slavemaster to the chattel that I am! I will bring and steal you anything and never complain! This should plead you! I offer to be a slave and yet no women have yet taken me up on my generous, selfless offer! What is wrong with all of you? Are you all stupid? If I didn't know better I'd think you were!

Wait I didn't mean it. Please do not punish me for speaking such! What the hell am I thinking? You are perfect and I am a man, so by definition not perfect! Thank you for reading and for giving me the opportunity to serve you my great mistress! O perfect woman!!!

Gratefully,
Andrew

7 comments:

  1. Black coffee has nothing on this guy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Who'd ever want such a whiny, passive-aggressive slave? Dude can't even be pitiful correctly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. He sure taught all those women readers a lesson, didn't he?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tell me I'm not the only one who read this not as "bitter & jaded" but a sincere, completely inept attempt at a pick-up by a submissive guy who learned all about how BDSM really works by reading teh Interwebz.

    (crickets)

    ...okay, then.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Or we can combine your theories, Kat- he's bitter and jaded AND read about BDSM on teh Interwebz and he thinks that he can disguise his bitterness with the shiny patina of subness.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think he's practicing a new form of BDSM, "bitter-submissive" - it's kind of like S&M rolled into one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Churro, it's like the Möbius strip of kink: I'm punishing you by making you punish me, which is making you do what I want by pretending I'm doing what you want. I see myself as scum as a way to blame you for being scum by thinking that of me.... endlessly on, into bitterness and misery.

    ReplyDelete

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