12/02/2011

Shave and a Haircut, 1,192 Bits

Story Sent in by Craig:

Kathy and I met online. She was a hairdresser at a salon. Our first date, a simple dinner and beach walk, went very well. Our second date was more of a departure from the norm.

Kathy, you see, wasn't the sort of hairdresser who leaves work at closing time. Oh no. Hair was always on her mind. In her own words, "I look at a person's hair before I look at anything else about them, man or woman. You can tell so much about a person based on how they treat their hair: if they're clean, their self-esteem, and also how they want the world to not only see them, but think of them."

She was so into hair that before our first date was over, she offered, "Can I give you a haircut sometime? Free of charge. Your hair is just begging for something different."

She worked in a salon. She was typically paid for her work. She was probably good at it, so why not?

"Okay," I said.

"Great. Before we go out next time, you can come over to my place. It's not far from the salon. Before we do dinner, I'll give you a style you'll never forget!"

On the evening of our second date, I went to her place, on the first floor of a small apartment building. She led me into her living room, which had posters of models with different styles as well as a salon chair. For all intents and purposes, it looked like she was running a one-person salon right out of her apartment. It smelled an awful lot like ammonia.

"Sit," she said, and I sat in the chair. At once, I noticed that there was no mirror.

"No mirror?" I asked as she wrapped a smock around me.

She said, "I don't need one. I can see you just fine."

"Yes, but for me."

She gave me a strange look. "Why would you need one? You're not cutting your own hair."

"For me to see how it's coming out while you're working on it."

She said, "Do you not trust me?"

"I–"

"I do this for a living! I promise you'll like it. Mirrors only distract, and I don't need any distractions. Trust me?"

I hear what you're thinking. You should however note that Kathy's eyes looked deep into mine, her strawberry blonde hair delicately framed her beautiful face, and as she stood next to me, her thighs lightly touched my leg. Before I could refuse, my mouth said, "Of course," and she went to work.

Yes, it was stupid. Moving on…

She used scissors, thinning shears, a razor, water, and so on. She moved faster than I had ever seen a stylist or barber move before. I kept asking her, "How's it looking?" having no other way to tell.

"Good, good," was all she'd reply.

She was at it for about 40 minutes, and when she was finally done, she took off the protective hair-smock and said, "Wa-la! Go check yourself out!"

I went to her bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Contrary to expectations, it looked good. Really, really good. I was very impressed with how she had cut and styled it.

I left the bathroom and thanked her. She said, "Oh, it's no trouble. I'm so glad you like it!"

"I do," I said.

"That'll be $149."

I snorted. She had, on the prior date, said "free of charge" as clear as a bell, so I guessed that she was kidding.

"It's not a joke," she said, "$149."

In my stunned silence and realization that she was not, in fact, joking around, she said, "I take checks. I'd just need to jot down your driver's license number if you're going to write one out."

"You told me free of charge on our last date."

She laughed, long and hard. "I most certainly did not. I never would've said free of charge for an hour of work."

"I'm sorry. You did. I wouldn't have done this if I knew it would be $149."

She put her hands on her hips. Uh-oh. "Are you serious? You're going to chintz me out of this? I have to make a living, Craig." She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. "I'll take what you have, but it had better be a solid amount."

I had a little over $100 on me, but I wasn't about to give her that much, especially as my usual barber charges less than $20. Also, she had definitely said free of charge. On the other hand, she had done work, and it was good work. There had to be a compromise somewhere. The first figure that flashed through my head was $50.

"I can give you $50."

"That's it?" she yelled, "$50? I might as well have done it for free! Do you think this is some sort of poorhouse haircut place, Craig?"

"You said free of charge on our date! You're lucky to be getting anything at all!"

"Give me the $50, then get the hell out of my house."

Miffed, I pulled the money out of my pocket and threw it on the floor. As she scrambled to pick it up, I made for the door.

"Hey!" she yelled behind me, "This isn't $50! This is only $40! Hey! Get back here, you cheat!"

I had definitely, 100%, right-hand-to-God given her precisely $50, and she was lucky to have received that.

On the plus side, my hair looked fantastic, and from then on, I've kept the style. So, in retrospect, it was probably worth it all.


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FUN FACT: A "bit" as it were, is 12.5 cents. Two bits, therefore, would be 25 cents. Neat!

14 comments:

  1. And then I called the licensing board and got her cited for running an unlicensed barber shop from her home. She also got in trouble with the zoning board for running a business inside a residential zone. And then the Ag board got wind of her unregulated flea circus and lice farm, and she went away for life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amanda, I think I just fixed that comment anchor tag issue you mentioned in the forum. Let me know if that's what you were talking about.

    If you're not that Amanda, then your comment makes you sound vindictive and menacing. And awesome.

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  3. Yes, that fixed it. Thank you!

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  4. I wonder how many suckers actually paid the full amount this girl asks for. (or still pay, as she is likely still doing this - it sounds like a very profitable scheme).

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  5. You actually paid!? She was trying to scam you, and you let her get away with it. OP Fail.

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  6. "I was very impressed with how she had cut and styled it."

    "On the other hand, she had done work, and it was good work."

    "On the plus side, my hair looked fantastic, and from then on, I've kept the style. So, in retrospect, it was probably worth it all."

    This is what I find most hilarious about losers... they're so desperate to prove that they're not suckers that even after they get taken advantage of right in front of their goddamn faces, they'll convince themselves that they actually got a good deal simply to avoid thinking about how pathetic they are. Kathy could've shaved the OP three separate bald spots on top of his head and he'd be all like "On the other hand, the style was so unique that really I felt like $149 was a DEAL!"

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  7. Wolfie has it right.

    And there's also this:
    "....however note that Kathy's eyes looked deep into mine, her strawberry blonde hair delicately framed her beautiful face, and as she stood next to me, her thighs lightly touched my leg. Before I could refuse, my mouth said, "Of course,"

    Here's the tell tale, as she said" I'll give you a style you'll never forget!"

    She did, he hasn't forgotten and I'm QUITE sure she has easily scammed many a guy this way.

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  8. ^ re: I'll give you a style you'll never forget!"

    Well, she was dead on there. So much so, he posted about it to a dating website.

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  9. Here is a useful guideline that the OP should remember from now on: the 20% rule. No matter how attractive a girl is, if you have less than 20% chance to sleep with her, you should consider her to be the ugliest girl in your life. That does NOT mean treat her like trash (only an utter douchebag would judge somebody based solely on her appearance) but it does mean that your friendship is utterly conditional on their behavior. If Kathy was the ugliest woman in the world, would you let her charge you money for a "free" styling? But no, this is what happens when you keep your brains in your ballsack.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that would be the 100% rule. My friendship with anyone, of any gender, is always conditional on their behavior. Even if I want to have sex with them.

      Delete
  10. OP was a doormat, should have just walked out the door.

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  11. $150 for a haircut?
    ...Really?

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  12. That's why I'm glad I'm a guy, haircuts cost me £5-8 which isn't so extortionate.

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  13. I like the chitchat with the hairdresser so I usually leave a tip which put me at about $20 each time.

    ReplyDelete

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