12/08/2011

The Fabric of Our Lives

Story Sent in by Eric:

I took Felicia to a weekend music and arts festival for our first date. We both liked a lot of the same music, and she really seemed to enjoy herself there. I liked her, and hoped it would be a slam-dunk success.

We sat down to lunch and watched the other fair attendees walk by. One group, a small family, carried cotton candy as they strolled past.

"Hey!" Felicia called to them, "Where'd you get the cotton candy?"

The father gave her basic directions. Then she turned to me. "Want a cotton candy?"

It had been years since I had last tried it. "Yes, please," I said, and gave her a few dollars for mine.

She took off and was back a few minutes later. She carried just one cotton candy with her, and not only did she carry it: she tore into it with the ferocity of a dinosaur into a hapless theme park visitor. Within less than a minute after she had returned to the table, easy, the whole cotton candy was gone.

"Where's mine?" I asked her.

"Mmf," she said, pausing from her feast, "I forgot. I'll go grab it. Sorry."

I was still in the middle of my lunch, or else I would've gone with her. She returned with another one. It was half-eaten, with very clear bites taken out of it. She handed it to me.

I asked, "Um, did you steal this from a little kid?"

She said, "No, I bought it."

"Where's the rest of it? It's half-eaten."

She shook her head. "That's how they handed it to me."

I frowned at her, then handed it back and said, "Why don't you just finish it?"

"You mean it?" she asked, and before I could say whether I meant it or not, she was already tearing away at it.

"Can I have my money back? I'll grab one myself."

With her mouth full, she asked, "You want your money back? Why?"

"You asked if I wanted one. I said yes. Then, you–"

"But you gave yours to me, just now. Remember?" she wagged the white paper stick, that had so recently bore pink fluffy tastiness, at me.

"Because you had eaten half of it by the time it reached the table."

"No! I–they–it–it was already half… gone when I grabbed it!"

"Then why didn't you ask them for a whole one?"

She wrested her wallet out, slammed three dollars onto the table, and said, "This isn't worth it. You're not worth it."

Ignoring that comment, I scooped up the money. "Thank you. I'll be right back."

I left the table, found the cotton candy vendor, picked up my own cotton candy, and returned to the table. She turned away from me and said nothing as I enjoyed my snack. Eventually, however, she did turn around, saw that I had a little less than half of it left, and asked, "Can I have a bite?"

I stared at her, unsure if she was serious, and if she was, how best to respond. My instinct was to let her, just to keep the peace. However, she soon made the decision for me by shooting her hand at it, grabbing off a chunk, and stuffing it into her mouth. Then, she went the extra mile, opened her mouth, full of her ill-gotten cotton candy, and shook her head side-to-side at me.

"Aaaaah," she groaned, then closed her mouth and swallowed it all down. Or at least attempted to. She choked, coughed, then swallowed it down. I picked off the small remaining amount that I had, then asked her if she was ready to go.

It wasn't until we were halfway back to the parking lot that she asked, "Wait, you mean, 'go from the fair'?"

That was what I had meant, as I didn't want to be around her anymore. She said, "Okay, well, I'll catch up. I was going to find one of the bands and ask them some questions. Call me?"

"Sure."

I left. Whoops. Forgot to call her.

11 comments:

  1. Whoa, you dated Roseanne Barr??

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  2. I don't want to see any comments in her defense. "Oh, come on OP, she was just being playful! Man up and let the girl have your candy!" No. She was a jerk and if you'd do that you are a jerk.

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  3. I'm split on this. I feel like they were both in the wrong. OP seemed to get a little too upset over the fact that he couldn't have his cotton candy.

    However the more the story goes on, the more you can clearly tell she's a nutcase. So I guess it's better to find out now over some small cotton candy than later over the mortgage.

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  4. I'm split on this. I feel like they were both in the wrong. OP seemed to get a little too upset over the fact that he couldn't have his cotton candy.

    However the more the story goes on, the more you can clearly tell she's a nutcase. So I guess it's better to find out now over some small cotton candy than later over the mortgage.

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  5. I think he was upset because she ate his cotton candy and then lied about it. I don't think he was wrong at all.

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  6. I think she expected him to pay for both of their cotton candies. When he didn't she punished him in her own special way.

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  7. I don't see how he was in the wrong. He gave her money to get him a cotton candy. She ate it, then lied about it. It's not like the OP had a tantrum and called her a bitch; he just told her to pay him back. Then she had the GALL to take some more from him after he finally got one. He is not obligated to buy her cotton candy.

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  8. Dunno, you guys sound perfect for each other.

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  9. The fact that she couldn't seem to stop herself, even after she started choking on it, indicates some serious issues. I can't blame the OP for not wanting to deal with that.

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  10. It reads a little ridiculous to me...I can believe it happened, to a degree, but not with ALL of that back and forth nonsense over cotton candy. (Nor can I picture anyone over 2 years old "being a jerk" over cotton candy...jesus christ, REALLY?!?!) I don't defend her if she ate his portion AND "stole" his monumental THREE dollars if was in fact being a bi+ch - but was she maybe trying to be playful? Hard to tell from reading about it. But I can't for the life of me see being *truly* upset over 3 bucks; nor a date eating "MY" cotton candy (I just laughed that I even typed that!) Still, not there, no idea her attitude as she did it. I just think my sense of humor would have at least tried to lead into joking about it LONG before complaining. Unless he was already no longer interested for other reasons as well. No reason to prolong it. But if the interest WAS there, at least TRY to make it comical before the pouting begins. If she was being a jackass about "stealing" the C-Candy, then I'd cut loose as well. If not, I don't see the huge problem and agree with Ria: they sound perfect for each other...because as I read this submission, BOTH of them seem a little "touched" - and are definitely crybabies. This was hysterical!

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  11. She seems selfish, that was a little sign

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