9/20/2011

You Gave Up Free Snow Pants?

Story Sent in by Ian:
One summer in my mid-twenties, I found Sara's profile online. She was a redhead, 22 years old, and seemed very bright and mature for her age. A message here and there, and I asked her out on a date.

We met in front of a restaurant. She arrived in a parka, complete with a thick hood, and what looked like snow pants. As mentioned, this was summer. If memory serves, it was well over 80ºF.

"Hi Sara," I said, "Did you just arrive from Alaska?"

She shook her head and replied, "No, I just felt like bundling up today."

"Aren't you hot?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm all right."

We attracted a few strange looks, and I have to admit that her outfit was a bit distracting. However, I put it aside and tried to focus on anything but. She seemed eager to talk and didn't at all reference her non-seasonal garments.

At dinner, she didn't remove any clothing, and even the waitress asked her, "Is there a cold snap outside?"

Sara politely replied, "No," and then ordered her drink.

We made small talk for a bit, and she asked me a lot about myself. It was a good conversation, and she seemed interested in everything I said, and was equally interested in answering my questions. If not for her winter wear, we would look like any other couple on an above-average date.

Then, after we had ordered our food and in the middle of a conversation about our favorite local bookshops, she said, "Close your eyes."

I was having a good time with her, and so I didn't expect anything adverse. I closed my eyes. The sounds of rustling clothing came from across the table. I was very curious, but I kept my eyes shut.

After a minute, the rustling stopped, and I heard nothing else besides the general restaurant ambience. I peeked out and saw her empty coat, facing me and standing up on its own (it was thick enough to do it). The hood was open, and I looked under the table to see her snow pants extending down from the waist of her coat to the floor below. For all intents and purposes, it looked as if she had vanished in an instant, leaving her outerwear behind.

Thinking it a joke, I smiled, nodded, and looked around, thinking that she'd come up to me in normal date-wear, say, "Ta-da!" and we could go back to having a good time.

She never came back. Our food arrived. I called her and left a single voicemail, and then sent a single text. There was no sign of her at all. I waited for a little bit, then ate my dinner alone, called the waitress over, asked her to box up Sara's for myself, and then asked for the check.

It came, I paid, and I handed the waitress the coat and pants, saying, "Do you have a lost and found?"

The waitress took them, I went home, and I never heard from Sara again.

8 comments:

  1. The worst part is, I'll bet this girl thought this was clever instead of mind-numbingly stupid.

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  2. Aha. She taught him a lesson! Whatever that lesson was?

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  3. She was actually related to the Wicked Witch of the West. She accidentally spilled some water on herself and melted away. And you, OP, being insensitive, just continued with your meal.

    Jerk.

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  4. Normally I would blame the OP for being boring, but the fact that she came there dressed ready to do this suggests that she planned it all from the start. She was just using online dating to troll people, I guess.

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  5. I MISSED THE RAPTURE?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

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  6. I would have so taken the clothes and sold them online.

    ReplyDelete

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