9/13/2011

Celebrities Are All Alike

Story Sent in by Ray:

I met Erica online. She was an administrative assistant at a lawyer's office. However, she was very proud of her older brother Neil, and she mentioned him quite a few times in her messages to me. Neil was apparently cast as a bit role in some soap opera on some channel somewhere.

Erica, strangely, was surprised that I hadn't heard of him. "You haven't heard of him?" she asked, "I'm surprised. He's been on a couple of talk shows to talk about his acting."

I asked, "Which talk shows?"

"I forget. There are so many!"

There certainly are. When Erica and I met up in person, over dinner and drinks, she said, "I have a surprise for you. After dinner, you're going to meet my brother, the actor!"

"He's in town?" I asked, "I thought he'd be off filming some soap opera or talk show somewhere."

She replied, "He still comes to visit when he can. He might be acting in a big movie soon. A really big one."

"Great. So, tell me about your job."

"Oh, it's just admin stuff. My brother's the impressive one in our family."

I tried my best. "I'm sure you're impressive in your own right."

"Ha! Not really."

"Ha."

After dinner, she asked that I follow her to another bar, and there, sure enough, was her brother, surrounded by a legion of doting fans.

Just kidding. He was drinking alone, and likely had been for some time. Erica tapped his shoulder. He turned around and asked who I was. I introduced myself, and he asked who I was again. He laughed at me, then laughed some more.

I laughed a bit myself, then quipped, "Ha ha, you're a soap opera actor."

He stopped laughing, then stood up, a head taller than I was, at least. He leaned right into my face and said, "You're a… fuck you!"

He leaned over and Erica caught him. She gave me a hateful look and said to me, "You've upset him! He mustn't get upset!" She then looked back at Neil and said, "Come on. I'll take you home."

Neil cried as she walked him out. Never heard from Erica, and haven't heard anything about Neil either, and that was a few years ago, now.

9 comments:

  1. At least the OP got away from her... the brother has to live with her. Poor guy.

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  2. Eww.
    "The young and the Incestuous"

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  3. For anyone who hasn't seen it...

    The Legend of Neil:
    http://www.effinfunny.com/legend-of-neil

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  4. Was he even really a soap opera actor? Did you at least look him up on IMDB? I'd have ben curious to find out if that part was true.

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  5. This is probably the saddest story on this wonderful site I've read. Poor girl, she's too obsessed with her brother to even talk about herself on a date.

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  6. Oh yeah, he was cast as a body in a morgue scene right? Brilliant.

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  7. Oh yeah, he was cast as a body in a morgue scene right? Brilliant.

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  8. What a waste of OPs time. What was up between her brother and her? I feel bad for OP. That is one of the shittest dates I've heard of.

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