9/29/2011

An African or European Bunny?

Story Sent in by Ben:

I wrote to Juliette on a dating website. She said that she was a teacher. I had done some substitute teaching once or twice and didn't like it, but I used it as a conversation point.

She sounded overjoyed to hear from me, and we were out on a date together a week later. I had asked her what grade(s) she taught over an email, but she never responded. I thought at the time that it was an accidental oversight on her part. I think I was wrong.

At dinner, she was manic beyond belief. Everything I did was amazing, especially my job, which was...

"You're a part-time programmer and a part-time baker?" she asked, her mouth canyon-wide, "Wow! That's so stupendous!"

"Yes. I like to feed my brain and my mouth."

"Oh my God! You're so funny! I just can't get over how stupendous it is that you program and bake! And that you're funny!"

They're merely jobs I don't mind. On the other hand, it was nice to have the attention. She seemed very into everything I said, and I tried to reflect her interest as best as I could. I couldn't really, though. She acted as though she had drank 50 Dr. Peppers.

She finally asked, "Will you come to my classroom as a special guest, this week? You'd be awesome! So awesome!"

"What age level?"

"Second grade!"

I should have guessed. She wouldn't have lasted a minute in a high school classroom. I agreed to go, and she said that she'd make all the arrangements.

The night before the classroom visit, she sent me an email with about 50 questions that she was planning to ask me in class. She wrote, "So that you can start prepping answers!" There were questions like: "Where are you from?" "What's your favorite thing to bake?" "What's your favorite color?"  I was pretty sure that my preparations could be minimal.

When I arrived in the class, she had the students, 20 of them, sing me a welcome song. Once they were done, I introduced myself.

Or at least, that's what I would have done, if Juliette didn't rally them to another two entire repetitions of the welcome song.

I finally introduced myself and talked for 10 seconds about what I did when she interrupted me and said, "Come on bunnies! Let's sing the bunny song!"

Juliette and the kids launched into a song about bunnies and hippety-hopping and whiskers and white, fluffy tails. The song lasted about five minutes, and when they finished, Juliette said, "Let's thank Larry for coming in today! Thanks, Larry! Bye!"

"My name's Ben," I reminded her, but it was lost amidst her clamorous applause and the clapping of her students. I showed myself out, wrote her a half-hearted email ("It was good to see you and your class," etc.) and probably lucky for me, I never received a response.

14 comments:

  1. An African or European Bunny?
    I don't knoUUAAAAAAAAAHHHH

    OP is so stealing my schtick with the programming and baking, though, even monetezing on it. Bah. :P

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  2. you didn't say anything other than good seeing you and your class in the mail??

    AnotherCaseOfPussyOP

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  3. What was he supposed to say? And indeed, it sounded like he really didn't want to see her again after that incident, so she's lucky to have received that courtesy. It would look worse for him if he had groveled, asking her probing questions about what she was thinking, and dropping hints that he had hoped to see her again. "Thanks, bye," was the right thing to do.

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  4. @SL

    Just because he didn't go into an all caps rage and call her a crazy bitch is not a slight against his character. It just shows that he is a more balanced individual than her, or yourself for that matter.

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  6. Is the OP sure that she was even interested and wasn't just being sardonic?

    The class visit, if the OP is being honest, might even have been a prank that the whole class was in on. I know academic standards have fallen a bit but when I was in 2nd grade if the teacher had made us learn a bunny song they would have faced... resistance, to say the least. It also seems unlikely that a teacher could have brought in a guy she'd dated once as a class guest without a particularly good reason.

    So either the story is heavy on the bullshit or Juliette is the most diabolically evil date in ABCOTD history.

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  7. ^as a teacher, i had a similar response...you can't just bring in people, at least not in my state, without permission, checks on background, etc...there are lots of pedobears out there...

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  8. ^When he said, "she said that she'd make all the arrangements," I assume that meant making those sorts of arrangements.

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  9. Andrew, I had a similar thought.

    "On the other hand, it was nice to have the attention. She seemed very into everything I said..." this sounds like a woman trying to play to a man's ego and a man eating it up.

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  10. He would have had to fill in a background check form, she couldn't do it for him unless she knew his address, previous addresses, date of birth etc.

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  11. It kind of sounds like she's bipolar, non-medicated and in a manic state of mind. Having dated an improperly medicated bipolar woman in the past, it's an experience; believe me.

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  12. I picture the teacher as looking and acting exactly like Miss Lippy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwZBMH3VOfI

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  13. Where I live, you don't have to have a background check unless you're going to be working directly with the kids. My mom went in to help my son many times without a background check until he got an aide.

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