8/26/2011

Iron it Out

Story Sent in by Pedro:

Online, Brenda came off as friendly. In person, she was a bit different. We agreed to meet at a bookstore and have lunch afterward.

We had been browsing through the bookstore and I was thumbing through an art book when she came up to me and said, "You're a pathetic asshole."

I looked around to make sure that she was talking to me. I replied, "Excuse me?" She didn't respond anything other than give me a slight smile. I continued, "I… what's going on?"

She said, "You heard me, moron. Are you an idiot?"

"I–"

"You pathetic moron."

I asked her, "Did I miss something?"

She squinted at me, breathed heavily, and trembled a fair amount. It went on for almost a full minute before I replaced the book on the shelf and said, "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm probably going to go."

"You're leaving me?"

That was the opposite of the expected response, and I hesitated. Then, I replied, "I… yeah. This doesn't seem to be a good… thing."

"Fine. Give up. Doesn't mean that I have to, though."

I stepped away from her, just a little bit. "Huh?"

"It takes two people to end a date for a date to be over. That's the rule. And I don't want it to be over. I'm not ending the date with you, so you can't end the date with me."

I said, "I'm leaving, so you can stay here and continue on the date by yourself. That sound good?"

I waited a moment to give her the courtesy of a response. She didn't say anything, but she did stare, and that was enough for me. I turned and left.

She followed me out. I made it to my car, and was able to enter it and lock the doors. Then, I drove towards my house. It didn't take me long to see in my mirrors that she was following me, in her own car, very closely.

Instead of driving home, I drove through various side streets and circled blocks. She followed. I had three-quarters of a tank of gas, and I hoped it was more than she had. Still, I didn't like the idea of driving around for the better part of an afternoon. What to do, what to do…

I drove to the outskirts of town. She was right behind me. I sped up. She sped up with me. I slowed down, and she was right on her brake. As if reading my mind, she texted me, "I planned for this and have a full tank. How about u? :)"

I thought about pulling into a police station and honking my horn, but decided that I'd try something else, first.

With her right behind me, I drove us well out of town. Once we were on a rural mountain road, I pulled over suddenly and popped the trunk. She pulled over, too. In an instant, I jumped out. She jumped out also. I made it to my trunk, pulled out a tire iron, yelled, "Check it out!" and advanced on her. I had absolutely no intent on using it, but I wanted to frighten her.

She yelped and jumped back into her car. I ran for her door and she tore away, clipping my rear bumper in the process. Still, she was gone, and I had precious little time to go before she came back. I turned around in the car and drove away, back toward town, although to be safe, I pulled off onto a side road for about ten minutes before continuing on.

I feel bad for resorting to a threat of violence (which I have to emphasize, I would never have followed through. If she called my bluff, I would've been out of luck), and I know that it wasn't the ideal way to resolve things. By the same token, I never heard from her again.

20 comments:

  1. "BRENDA...YOU LOOK TIRED"
    *BAM*
    Not that I condone violence...or insults, or stalking, or cunty chicks.

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  2. I would have slowed enough to catch every yellow traffic light till she gave up or made a mistake.

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  3. If I'd had the time I would have pushed her buttons at the bookstore - it's easy to send people like her into a frothing rage and leave them there stewing. Or I would've driven home and when she followed me there and parked in my driveway, called the cops and tell them I've got a trespasser. Many more creative ways than driving around like a frightened grandma.

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  5. In churro's defense, both of my grandmas keep tire irons in their purses. We make them fight to the death at reunions.

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  6. ^....2 grandmothers and a fight to the death??
    Sadly, that sounds like it's only good for 1 reunion!

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  7. Well, I'm always torn between losing a psycho bitch as soon as possible or jerking her chain a little bit and having some fun at their expense. Plus, in my house they're trespassing, so it's my rules.

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  8. How could I have missed Jared's awesome comment. +100 for grandma battle royales.

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  9. I feel like things got a little socially awkward when she texted "I planned for this and have a full tank."

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  10. Man I would've been like "Bitch, you better not be talking to me."

    She's a STALKERRRRR! Dude how do you know she didn't follow you back home and isn't watching you sleep?

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  11. I would have called the cops while driving around so he could have watched all the fun as the pulled her over!

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  13. OPs really can't win. You really should have gone with your instinct to call the cops or get them involved somehow. Any woman who plans on following you with a full tank of gas after verbally assaulting you out of nowhere should probably be removed from society, even if it's just for a little while. :-/ Sorry this happened to you though.

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  14. I would have called the cops, then showed them the text.

    Pretty sure it wouldn't have been a good day for her.

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  15. Maybe you had no real intention of committing an act of violence, but she sounds like the type to run you down with her car. I'd have been afraid to get out of my car...

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  16. Another case of pussy OP...

    Probably going to get a lot of responses now saying "uuu but but imagine what could happen if she knew where he lived".

    The second I saw her following me I would pull the car over, walk back to her and tell her if she didn't stop immediately I would call the police. Man up

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  17. ^I have to agree with you. There was no reason to waste part of the day and a tank of gas trying to lose this girl, only to have to threaten her with a tire iron.

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  19. If I was the op I would have stopped and bought a shovel. Then driven to the most remote place I could think of and gone for a walk. Then when definitely no one was around I would have dug a hole. When she asked what the hole was for, I would have said it was for her. Much better than a tire iron.

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  20. @Shattering looks> Yeah, he totally should have manned up! When things got bad he should have just stabbed her two or three times in the neck, problem solved. /sarcasm

    Seriously, dude. You can't reason with crazy people. You can intimidate them, you can out wit them, but you can't reason with legitimate yahoos. Telling her you're calling the cops probably wouldn't have phased her (especially since, up to that point, she hadn't actually done anything illegal, the most they'd do is tell her to lay off). You don't know what kind of shit she had going on, leave the guy alone.

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