7/28/2011

I Liked You More When I Thought You Were Spam

Email Sent in by Jess:

THIS IS SERIOUS. YOU HAVE JUST WON $5000 AMERICAN.

I'm just kidding! Hi I'm Steven and I wish you all the success in the world! You are a young woman of a ripe age and the time is come for your to choose a mate! This happens to all women at this age. It is not publicized but it happens to all. Before you leave this age you will have a mate!

The reasons to choose me as a mate are numerous! I am flexi-flexi! This means that you can sleep how you like and I will still find a way to make "it" work. You know what I mean! I like it when you say "You have a good tail!" Then I will say "That is not a tail! That's my "front-man"!" Just kidding. No clarification needed because then we already make with the mating.

I am self made and have many business concerns. You can learn more about it on my blog and profile. I hope you contact me soon because you will soon no longer be a woman without a man. They turn into old women and then death will catch you!

Steven

6 comments:

  1. mmmm I want his front-man in my primal juice cave.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is what real men are like. Damn you every Matthew McConaughey chick flick I saw when I was a pre-teen!

    ReplyDelete
  3. He has a tail? Is that mr pickles-in-his-ass?

    ReplyDelete
  4. How not to get a date online in 3 easy steps:

    1) Refer to a woman as "ripe"
    2) Talk about your "foreman" in any way in a first message
    3) Be this guy

    ReplyDelete
  5. So this guy will rape you in your sleep. Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sounds like this dude has watched a whole lot of Discovery Channel and National Geographic.

    ReplyDelete

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