9/22/2016

Or Just a Guy Who Isn't an Idiot

Story Sent in by Justin:

I took Joanne to an outdoor place with picnic tables and amazing burgers. She told me what she wanted and I went up, put in our orders, and came back to the table with them. Her order came through exactly as she had placed it.

But when I put it in front of her she gave me a nasty look. "Why are you such an idiot?" she asked.

I said, "What's wrong? This is exactly what you ordered."

She said, "Yeah, but you're still an idiot."

"Why?"

She rolled her eyes and took a Godzilla-sized bite out of her burger. "If you don't know then I'm not going to tell you."

It didn't matter what I said for the rest of the date. She polished off her burger in record time, sucked down her drink, and kept calling me an idiot. I don't know what I might have done to set her off. We had been getting along well until right before lunch.

After five minutes of her giving me the silent treatment and me trying to figure out what her problem was, she said, "You're just an idiot," and she took off.

For the rest of the day she sent me text after text: "IDIOT," "BIG IDIOT," "LARGE IDIOT," and "TOTAL IDIOT" were her words of choice. Dozens upon dozens of them. Even now, some time later, I still receive the occasional "IDIOT" text from her. I hope she finds a good therapist.

16 comments:

  1. Joanne could of just forgiven Op for not being able to read her mind instead of repeatedly calling him an idiot.Perhaps she was expecting some place just a bit more fancy than burgers and picnic tables if that was her beef with him(see what I did there?).Even though she seemed to be enjoying the burger she still went on with the name calling as OP kept taking the verbal abuse.If it were me,I would of snatched that burger from her at the first mention of"idiot" and walked off.Also I would of blocked her idiot texts.No one has time for twit shit.The only idiot thing OP did was let her use him as a verbal punching bag.Name calling is a huge deal breaker and must be nipped in the bud at first sign of it.No penis fly trap is worth that...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you just refer to that mom's vagina as a "penis fly trap"? Because that is amazing and you are amazing and we must be friends.


      also, this girl was a special kind of crazy.

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    2. I'm with Bananas, Smiles wins the day for "Pennsylvania fly trap!"

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    3. Just remember, ladies, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar...

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    4. You catch even more with rotting fish.

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  2. Self esteem that low that you would stick around for the whole date? She was a part dinner whore/harpy hybrid.

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  3. Hey Jared, not that I'm stalking you or anything but did you take you cross country trip this year?

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    Replies
    1. Hey there. I went down the east coast to visit some friends, but I didn't do one of my usual grand adventures. I moved to the Lehigh Valley and there were other bits and pieces in flux. I'll be on the road over this coming winter break and would like to do some international travel next year. I also really want to hit up Alaska and Hawaii, as then I'll have visited all 50 states.

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    2. Misra Jay... I nevah new you were so well traveled!

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    3. When I visited Alaska I had an amazing time and three days was not nearly enough time besides the record snowfall for that time of year for the last 20 years.Lived in an European country as a child but would love to experience it as a child.You have had such the good fortune to be so well travelled Jared.

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  4. She noticed OP forgot to slip the Rohypnol into her burger and was instantly disappointed.

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    Replies
    1. When they're THAT ugly, you need to roofie YOURSELF...

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  5. OP is an idiot - A big, large, total idiot.

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  6. Uh..... I think after the 3rd time you just leave or even better, throw your drink in her face and leave. I don't think women should be the only people entitled to throw drinks.

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  7. Justin, are you a masochist? If so, I know why you stayed through the whole date. If not, you actually are an idiot.

    ReplyDelete

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