7/23/2015

Unhygienist

(You write. What's your most important responsibility? Click here to find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Ina:

My shortest date ever was also my strangest. Scott wrote to me online and at first he seemed charming. He was a dental hygienist and seemed really smart.

On our date we took a little walk around a city park. The plan was to have lunch and maybe go to a museum, but we never made it that far. I asked him about his job and he gave me a bunch of facts and figures about dental health that at first were interesting but soon became pretty boring. After all, there's only so many times I could hear, "The percentage of people in Bangladesh with access to legitimate dentists is less than two percent. In India, it's only a little higher. Japan has the best dentists in the world and over 10% of the population visits their dentists more than three times a year..." Okay, buddy. Thank you. Give it a rest.

But then he said, "Nothing's more sexy than a really clean mouth. Here, open yours?"

I was so surprised that I just went ahead and did it without much thought.

He looked in closely and promptly sneezed into my mouth.

I jumped back and yelled, "Oh, God!" and then spat out over and over.

"What's wrong with you?" he demanded in a nasty tone, "It's not like I just spewed filth into your mouth! It was a sneeze! It was clean!"

I kept spitting out his sneeze bits as best as I could. Between it all, I said, "Are you serious, asshoIe?"

He backed away and said, "All right. I can't handle this. Good night." He took off, just like that.

It was the middle of the day, but I didn't care as long as he was as far from me as possible.

2 comments:

  1. This is one of the most horrifying stories I've ever read here. It's somewhere up there with the trash-sex twins.

    ReplyDelete

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.