5/12/2013

A-Salted

Story Sent in by Wayne:

Two things stuck out about Courtney: her bright green eyeshadow, and her insanity. At dinner, she told me, "I can tell everything about a guy whether he takes the salt first or pepper first."

I asked her, "What if I take neither?"

She asked, "You're one of those? Thought so."

I asked, "Why? What does that mean?"

"It means you have to apologize to the salt and pepper for not using them."

I smiled and said to the salt and pepper, with the most sarcasm I could muster, "I'm sorry, salt and pepper."

She said, "Try again without sarcasm."

I was done playing, and I asked her about the acting work she had done, as she was an aspiring actress with some experience under her belt.

As I hoped, she took the bait and we had no further drama with salt or pepper until our food came. When it did, she used exorbitant amounts of salt and pepper. As in, she used about half of each shaker on her food.

She caught me looking and said, "At least one of us will have good dreams tonight. The other will have an unprotected sleep. The salt and pepper are no longer available to you. They are passed beyond the veil."

As a joke, I reached for the pepper. She took it off the table and set it in her lap. As I was fine without pepper, I just went right on to my food.

She ended up crying there at the table, blabbering on about how the salt and pepper had made her food taste bad, but how she was forced to eat it anyway or risk displeasing them. I asked for the check, told her we'd be splitting it, paid my share, and went on my way. I normally don't enjoy walking away from crying women, but when they're truly crazy, exceptions can be made.

7 comments:

  1. I would have been like no because it makes your food tastes bad than you be the one with bad dreams. I would have good dreams cause i am eating good food

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  2. "At least one of us will have good dreams tonight. The other will have an unprotected sleep. The salt and pepper are no longer available to you. They are passed beyond the veil."


    Yeah...I don't get any of this.

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  3. When someone states that you should apologize to containers of salt and pepper for not using them, END THE DATE IMMEDIATELY. You are not dealing with someone who is of a sound mind.

    Just a thought though-I wonder if this girl was mentally insane, would the acting allow her weird behavior to be excused? I'm just curious.

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  4. OP just met the Empress of Crazytown

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  5. Happy Mother's Day, y'all.

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  6. What's wrong? I'd date her. Probably wouldn't let her know where I lived. But I'd go out with her. And I'd bring my stories back here.

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  7. She should have apologized to the condom in your wallet.

    ReplyDelete

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