1/03/2012

Statue of Limitations

Story Sent in by Greg:

In college in New York, I met Tracey online. We spoke for a little while and set up plans to meet at a particular street corner in the city.

The afternoon of our meeting, I arrived at the corner, and it was busy. Tourists, workers, a human statue all in silver, performing for said tourists... it was a typical packed day on a typical packed corner. No sign of Tracey, though.

I checked my watch, then again. She was about 10 minutes late, but it could have been anything from a delayed subway to a broken down bus, depending on how she planned to make it there.

Tap at my shoulder. I spun and turned. It was the human statue. All in silver, as mentioned, with an outfit like an astronaut without a helmet. She had silver skin and silver dreadlocks and a small silver radio that beeped and fizzed. I smirked and nodded at her. She silently nodded back, then pointed at me and then at the sky.

I looked up at the sky, but then quickly back down, as I realized that under the makeup and outfit, it was unmistakably Tracey herself who was the human statue. I had no idea that she did such a thing. She had never mentioned it.

"Tracey!" I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you."

She nodded again and froze in place. True to human statue form, she did not reply, but instead posed and remained still. It was a neat revelation about her, but I had arrived there expecting a date.

"Are you almost off?" I asked her, hoping for some clear sign.

She didn't move. I asked, "Can you give me a sign to let me know if you'll be able to go, soon?"

I was having this conversation, bear in mind, in front of a lot of tourists, all of whom were jostling for a photo with her. I didn't want to interrupt her work (she had a little container into which people could throw change) but as I said, I had arrived expecting a date, not a visit to a worksite.

I asked, "Should I come back later?"

She danced with a little kid, then turned away from me completely and put her hand up at a set of different strangers.

"Tracey? Hello?"

She robot-walked over to a set of kids and tapped a balloon that they were holding. I said, loud enough for her to hear, "I'll catch you later, then," and I left.

Over two hours later, she called me. "Where the hell are you?"

I replied, "At my dorm. You?"

"I thought we were meeting for a date."

I checked the time. "That was two hours ago. You were a human statue. Was that supposed to be the date."

"You could have waited with me!"

"For two hours? While you played with tourists and their balloons? Why not just have me meet you when you were almost off, instead of in the middle of a shift?"

"You could have waited with me. Are we going on this date or not?"

I replied, "It'll take me about a half-hour to get there. If you want to meet me at the restaurant, you can—"

She hung up on me and we never spoke again.

12 comments:

  1. Meh, no lose there... she was probably a robotic statue in bed, too.

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  2. "It'll take me about a half-hour to get there. If you want to meet me at the restaurant, you can—"

    Seriously? She completely blew you off, and you were willing to give her another chance less than two hours later? Without even an apology from her?

    You did everything ELSE right, but damn OP... consider growing a pair.

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  3. I'm with Wolfie - OP even allowed this nutty chick to hang up on him, after she wasted his time and played games with him. Unacceptable.

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  4. What wolfie and churro said.

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  5. Don't think OP was wrong to giver her another chance; if she'd been reasonable about it, I can see the situation being pretty cool. But of course she wasn't, else she'd never be on here...

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  6. I'd give her a second chance... But would fully expect her to 'stiff' me again.

    As for this: "OP even allowed this nutty chick to hang up on him,..." Only way to avoid that is for him to hang up on HER first, right ?!?

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  7. It's been my experience that Human Statues are some of the most awful human beings in the world. Bullet dodged.

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  8. Funny, I totally thought OP was being facetious about meeting up and was going to continue on with a snarky comment like, "You could wait for me."

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  9. Fish, I'm curious to why you say that. I've never talked to anyone who does the human statue thing.

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  10. I've had the misfortune of being accosted/screamed at/harassed by three different human statues, all in San Francisco. So maybe not *all* human statues are awful people, just the ones in SF.

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  11. "I'd give her a second chance... But would fully expect her to 'stiff' me again.

    As for this: "OP even allowed this nutty chick to hang up on him,..." Only way to avoid that is for him to hang up on HER first, right ?!?"

    If anything, you're consistent - after someone wasted your time with silly antics, you would give them another chance. And I guess it was my comment that you found silly, because... you would give her another chance to waste your time.

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