5/30/2011

Tail Wagon

Story Sent in by Dot:

Fred was a friend of mine in high school.  He asked me out on a date during junior year, and I liked him enough to accept.  He said that he'd pick me up at my house in his "new ride" at 6:30pm on a Friday evening.

I dressed up and was all ready to go when he rang my parents' doorbell, right on time.  I opened the door and he stood there with a brand-new, bright red Radio Flyer wagon.

"We're going to ride in this," he said.

I laughed.  "That's your new ride?"

He said, "I bought it for tonight."

As I said, he was a friend, and we were in high school.  I climbed into the wagon and he wheeled me down a block or so on the sidewalk before he said, "Whew.  You're heavy.  My turn to ride."

Insulted, I climbed out and he climbed in.  He looked at me, expectant.  "Well?" he asked, "Pull me."

I said, "First, apologize for calling me heavy.  That was a mean thing to say."

He said, "It's a fact.  We're going to have to take turns if we're going to get to dinner.  It's just down the road.  Come on."

I said, "No.  Apologize, first."

He thought for a second, then said, "I guess I'll just wheel myself there, then."  He then climbed out of the wagon, carried it into the street, gave it a running start, and flew down towards town, away from me.

He made it a few dozen feet before it coasted to a stop.  He then climbed out, gave it another running start, and flew down the street again and finally, out of sight.

I went back inside and called up a couple girlfriends to see if they wanted to hang out.  He texted me not long after to tell me that he made it to the restaurant and that he was going inside with or without me.

I was out with my friends when, an hour or so later, another text arrived from him: "Dinner was great.  Where to next?  A movie!"

He sent me text-based updates of his date with himself for the rest of the night.  Finally, around midnight, my friends and I were on our way home when the following text arrived: "Now I will drive you somewhere and we will make out."

When I woke up the next morning, I saw on my phone: "The sex was greatest.  More sometime?"

At school on Monday, he told everyone how our "date" had gone.  My friends and I quickly set the record straight, and no one took him too seriously about much after that.

15 comments:

  1. Personally, I think Fred sounds fucking awesome!

    picklesinmyass.blogspot.com

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  3. Sarah said...
    Fat or thin, skinny or fat, ALL people are heavy, especially when being pulled in a little cart. Get over yourself, OP.

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  4. Sarah, she was in high school. Never is there a worse time in a girl's life to say something that could be remotely construed as an insult.

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  5. No Pickle, Fred is an asshole. He probably sent those texts so he could show everybody and say "Look! She had sex with me! I'm such a cool playa!" That makes him a complete douche who is willing to mar someone else's reputation to boost his own self-esteem. Fuck Fred.

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  6. Lame. In a story about high-schooler's we don't expect them to be totally mature adults, but come on... getting huffy at an offhanded comment and REFUSING TO MOVE until he apologizes? That's a pre-kindergarten level of maturity right there. I wonder if she also threatened to hold her breath until she turned blue?

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  7. Meh, Baku, I think they were both hyper-sensitive, selfish twats, but hey, that's high school kids for ya. Hopefully they both take it as a learning experience and eventually get to the point where they are alternately laughing and cringing at themselves for doing that.

    Who hasn't done something stupid as a teenager?

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  8. Don't get me wrong, I thought the OP was a bit touchy as well. He only said she was heavy after he had pulled her in a wagon for a bit. I'm sure even a very thin and light person would start to feel heavy when you've been carrying/pulling them for a reasonable distance. He didn't say "Whew! You should skip dessert tonight, fatty!" or anything that would warrant her getting so angry.

    I'm just saying that the Pimping Pickle is ridiculous for thinking that Fred is a cool guy. Then again, she probably only left that comment as an excuse to pimp some more.

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  9. OP is a huge bitch! awwww wahhhh, he called me heavy, wahhhhh

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  10. ^ OP is a "fat bitch," iCeS 2069. Please use the correct terminology.

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  11. Hey Pickles go fuck yourself oh wait you already do up the ass (who puts pickles up their ass anyway, you must smell really awful just like your blog you troll).

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  12. She was over-sensitive, but he should have just apologized for calling her heavy. Anything for a quiet life! Sure, if she still insists on making a big deal about it, then ditch the bitch.

    dontfeedthetroll.borespot.com

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  13. Apologising insincerely is rarely a good idea.

    Apologising insincerely at the beginning of a date to get someone to move because they're playing mind games for no particularly good reason is NEVER a good idea.

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  14. I feel old. When I was in high school I never even thought about cell phones let alone texting.

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  15. Definitely a fat chick date! "you are too heavy...it's a fact"

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