10/25/2017

Nobody Outruns the Leaf People

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Story Sent in by Charlotte:

I planned out a fun autumn day trip for my first date with John. We'd go to a farm just out of town to frolic in the pumpkin patch, eat apple cider donuts, and generally have a good autumnal time.

From the beginning of the date, it was apparent that something was off. John was twitchy as if he constantly needed to be moving or pacing or whatever. Was he on drugs? I don't know. But as soon as we arrived at the place, he took off at a fast walk, leaving me behind. At first I thought he really had to use the bathroom and so I waited for him for a while. But when he didn't come back I went looking for him.

I found him among some parents who were yelling at him. John had apparently hid in a leaf pile and jumped out at kids. He claimed to them that the farm had employed him to be a "living scarecrow." He then took off at a jog, leaped over a wooden fence, and ran into a cornfield, where I lost sight of him.

I gave him up for lost and returned to enjoy the farm by myself. I was on my second or third cup of cider when he reappeared next to me and took my arm. He explained, "We have to leave. I've angered the leaf people."

I was confused and I asked, "Did you jump out at kids again?"

He said, "Worse. Much, much worse. Are you coming? You need to disguise yourself as leaves to survive." Without waiting for me he bolted for the parking lot. I can only assume that he drove away, because I didn't see him again.

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6 comments:

  1. OP simply doesn't understand good performance art...

    ReplyDelete
  2. You just KNOW there was a pile of dog shit mixed in with those leaves.

    You really don't want to anger the leaf people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Madame Trasheap has spoken"

      Delete
    2. Archie, are you the kind of guy that rakes all the leaves in to a big pile right by the sidewalk and then throws a few dog turds in? Are you familiar with the legal term "Attractive Nuisance"? LOL

      Delete
    3. That's what my wife calls me ToL ;-)

      Delete
  3. When my brother and I were 4 and 5 we raked up a pile of leaves and jumped in it. Raked it back together and jumped in again. Over and over. Fun!

    Next day my brother sees the leaf pile is still there. Goes and jumps in it. Unbeknownst to us, overnight an ant colony had taken up residence in the leaves.

    So he's out there screaming, my parents rush out, figure out what happened, rip him out of his clothes and into a shower.

    I've been wary of leaf piles and leaf people ever since.

    ReplyDelete

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