8/30/2017

But What Has It Got in Its Pocketses?

Story Sent in by Gail:

When I was a college student in Ohio, I went on one date with Joe. I never received a clear answer on what he did for a living (he was apparently an alum of OSU who still hung around the school for reasons he never fully explained) but he charmed his way into a date with me. We went out for drinks.

After we each had a bit, he pulled out a sealed manila envelope and said, "This has photos of you that you wouldn't want getting out. I'll give them to you if you come back to my car with me."

I asked, "And what? Sniff your tailpipe?" I laughed. "I'm not going anywhere, thanks."

He waved the envelope in front of me. "But the photos! The photos. I have naked photos of–"

I grabbed the envelope out of his weak little hands and tore it open. It was full of Bed & Bath coupons.

He gave me a smirk like it had somehow all worked out the way he wanted it to. He said, "Now you know. Ready to go to the next level in my car?"

I laughed again and said, "Does the next level involve getting 80% off an attractive dining set already on clearance?"

He looked at me as if I was being serious and said loud enough for lots and lots of people in the packed bar to hear, "It means you sitting on my lap with both of our pantses off."

Our pantses. Oh man. I finished my drink and excused myself out of his life for good.

7 comments:

  1. Lucky that he was as twisted and creepy than he was dumb.
    Would this warrant a phone call to the police? Cause he probably tried similar tricks again, and perhaps he'll manage to trick a gullible girl, or worse, one with learning difficulties.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, this is probably attempted extortion under the criminal laws of all the states in the USA.

      I say probably, because I think that the definition of extortion may be limited to things of value like property -- as opposed to less tangibly monetized acts like lap sitting nude. But it fails under something -- maybe terroristic threats? Well, anyway, it's not cool.

      If I look it up (which I may because I am a law geek) I will let the people know.

      Delete
  2. Did you at least take the coupons? Where they expired? What about the attractive dining set already 80% off? Don't leave your audience hanging, enquiring minds want to know Gail!

    ReplyDelete
  3. (he was apparently an alum of OSU who still hung around the school for reasons he never fully explained)

    Humm, now why would an older man hang around a college campus..... This one is a real head-scratcher guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alright, alright, alright!

      Yeah, I don't think Wooderson had to blackmail the girls, he just went after really insecure girls.

      Delete
  4. My daughter is currently going to OSU. Shit like this is why I make her carry a can of Whoop Ass.

    ReplyDelete
  5. OP dodged a bullet. He probably would have ended up cheating on you with Hello Kitty anyway.

    ReplyDelete

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