6/16/2017

Not a Fan

Story Sent in by Tom:

I don't use air conditioners at my place. Never have. I use fans and that's enough for me. Kristen offered to come over to my place for dinner one hot summer night and I was sure to warn her ahead of time that I used a fan-based cooling system. She said she was fine with that.

From nearly the instant she entered my place, she complained about the heat. "Why don't you buy an air conditioner? Aren't you hot? It's so hot in here! So hot! These fans aren't enough! You need an air conditioner! Are you just too cheap to buy an air conditioner? They have really cheap air conditioners, now. Why don't you buy an air conditioner? If you had an air conditioner I'd be a lot more comfortable. Don't you want me to be comfortable? Why don't you want me to be comfortable? It's time for me to be comfortable. Put all the fans on me! No, that won't be enough. I need more fans or an air conditioner. Preferably an air conditioner. An air conditioner will keep me cooler than all these fans. Why don't you sell all your fans and buy an air conditioner?"

I politely suggested, "We can go out somewhere air conditioned if you'd prefer."

She gathered her stuff, said, "I would! Meet you there!" and ran out as quickly as possible.

The problem was that she didn't tell me where she was going. I hurried to grab my own stuff and went out the door and called her up to ask her about her destination. Her phone went to voicemail and she never called me back. So that was it.

14 comments:

  1. "The problem was that she didn't tell me where she was going. I hurried to grab my own stuff and went out the door and called her up to ask her about her destination"

    She must have been hot for OP to try to follow her outside...

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  2. I think she wanted to ditch you Tom as soon as she saw your place.

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  3. Also, OP went AFTER the bitch? Even if she was trying to get out of it, him following her would have been counter-productive. If she was faking crazy, she clearly thought it was crazy enough to deter you, Tom, but you still went after the bitch.

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    Replies
    1. I think it's okay to say someone was intense without resorting to name calling, unless you know her personally? I don't do well in the heat; I get cranky and can't think well. I agree with The Architect, fans work okay if you can sweat a lot. Maybe it was hot plus smelly.
      Hot summer nights= restaraunts or the beach.

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  4. I don't think she was crazy. "Fan based cooling" is not cooling, you're just moving air around without changing the temperature. You depend on your sweat to create a chemical reaction that uses heat to evaporate, thus "cooling" you off. Think about that for a minute. Then think about the smell of OP and OP's pad on a hot day. Yeah, I'd have gotten the hell out of there too. Poor Tom, is this what happens when you lose all your friends?

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  5. Hi! My name is Tom, and I am a contrarian who refuses to get one of those newfangled gizmos called an air-conditioner. I mean, they've only been around since 1902! I perfer to espouse my "fan-based cooling system" ideals to anyone who will listen, not unlike a vegan. After all, needless suffering builds character! And why use electricity to power 1 AC unit, when I can waste countless more electricity on 20 fans that simply push around hot air and the smell of my B.O.?! Any female who does not wish to marinate in my hot, humid stench is OBVIOUSLY high-maintenance! I consider my fans to be a great way to screen out the A/C wh0res! HARDEEHARHAR!

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like Tom is full of hot air. I think his fan system is gone with the wind.I lived in some pretty hot environments and had at least an air conditioner, desert cooler, central air and even a place I worked at had industrial fans. The work place was chilly because of those fans so depending on the type of fan it can cool a room.And even blow you off your feet if it's big enough.The fans sold at stores for homes don't cut it for sweltering days.So if Op insists on using fans then get some commercial or industrial size ones. I'm just not a fan of whimpy fans or stale air. I'm sure the fans were not the only thing that made Kristen leave in a hurry.

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  6. Fan based cooling system? Fans are not a "cooling system"...they are a circulation system. Tom is an idiot, and his apt probably smelt like ballsweat.

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  7. Comment making witty joke/pun and/or calling Tom an idiot. Passing stinger aimed at Steve. *mic drop*

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  8. As a person who lives in Florida, I'm pretty sure Tom is a psychopath. Not having AC is unfathomable to me. Not to mention, Tom's house probably smelled awful if all he does is sweat into fans.

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