3/01/2017

Smiles Per Hour

Story Sent in by Dakota:

Ryan showed up to our date with a great big, toothy grin. It didn't help that he had big eyes to go along with it, so the overall effect was ghastly. He just wouldn't stop grinning! We sat down at the edge of a city park fountain to become better acquainted.

"Why are you still smiling?" I asked him a couple of minutes after we had met.

"I'm just so happy to finally meet you! Don't you want me to be happy?"

I said, "Yeah... but that grin is kind of freaking me out. You don't have to grin all the time."

He then said, "Oh! I'll just feel however you want me to feel! I'm so happy to do the the bidding of every woman! Want me to feel sad? I'll feel sad! Want me to be happy? I'll be happy! Happy now! Happy forever!"

He then stood up off the fountain, waved his arms like a pigeon, and ran off. And that's the last I saw of creepy, smiling Ryan.

19 comments:

  1. I never comment on these things, but, OP... ugh. You just don't sound very pleasant. A guy was happy to meet you and it freaks you out?

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    Replies
    1. Riiiight? Don't be a stranger, Emily! We'll have you talking about Chunky Horse before you know it!

      Delete
  2. Not everyone has a winning smile.Ryan was probably nervous and excited to meet Dakota.Ryan had good reason to run away.Op was in the wrong when she insulted Ryan.Not even five minutes after they meet and Op is already finding fault and trying to change him.People can't help mannerisms.When even crazy won't stick around then you know you have issues to work on.

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  3. Nobody likes a Dakota Downer.

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  4. Wow, it is, so far, universal that Dakota is a drag. I predict no one will be on her side because, honestly, she seems terrible. Also did she not see a picture of him prior to the meeting? His eyes were too big? Ugh!

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  5. I am picturing Steve Buscemi as the date...

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    Replies
    1. Yeah and he's a nice, intelligent man.
      I wouldn't have been rude like OP on a first date because of a smile.

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    2. Mr. Buscemi is number one on my list. I love Mr. Buscemi. I truly hope that you aren't belittling Mr. Buscemi.

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    3. I think Steve Buscemi is sexy.

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    4. He's a fireman, used to work for the FDNY. Man's a goddam hero.

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    5. He volunteered during 9/11, and was angry when paparazzi took his photo doing it. He's a hero, and he was in "The Big Lebowski." Any woman turning HIM down is a loon.

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  6. I'm not saying Dakota is a nice person....but I understand.

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  7. Sorry to say that I cringed while reading this story. OP was not very nice to poor Steve "Ryan" Buscemi. Not a bit.

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  8. Team Ryan. The OP is a complete douche.

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  9. Oh heck. Everyone is on Ryan's side. Someone has to take Dakota's side [big sigh]...

    Ryan was not reasonable at all. What every reasonable man should do when called freak by a stranger minutes after meeting for the first time is to apologize and immediately stop being themselves to accommodate the uneasiness of this stranger...

    Nah, can't do it. RYAN IS MY HERO!!! Dakota seems too thick to get the message.

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  10. Smiling...is not always good. http://courage.wikia.com/wiki/Fred

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    Replies
    1. The word"naughty" has given me the creeps ever since I saw that episode Little Hug Bug

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    2. I don't even have to look at the link and I know what episode that is. I can hear the narrative in my head. That episode belongs on reddit in the /nosleep sub.

      Delete

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