3/15/2017

Doggy Don't

Story Sent in by Dalia:

When Craig arrived for our first date he smelled overwhelmingly like Febreeze - like he had marinated in it for eight hours and now it permeated his every pore. It was so overpowering that I quite near swooned, and I don't swoon for just anything.

He could tell something was wrong right away and asked me if it was the Febreeze. I told him it was and he explained that he was wearing all of those clothes when he had been shoved into a pile of dog poop. After three washes, according to him, the smell still wasn't gone so he just Febreezed up everything and that did the trick.

Dinner was a trial as I was sitting in close proximity to the Febreeze Central Station that he was. When I asked him how he had been "shoved into a pile of dog poop," he told me that he had been pet-sitting three dogs for a friend and that the dogs had conspired to "mess him up," and so shoved him into their "litter box." He said he'd never dog-sit for this friend again and that it was a one-time thing.

Speaking of one-time things, that was our only date.

8 comments:

  1. Seems like if he had time to wash his outfit 3 times, he might have had time to just change cloths. But hey, at least it wasn't Axe Body Spray. That shit could knock a buzzard off a meat wagon.

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  2. Seriously, I had no comment for this one. Just couldn't come up with anything good. And then, just now, as I was waiting for CAD to boot up so I can feed my workaholism, I literally stumbled across the full story. The *real* story.

    And if you read through the whole thread, guess which comment I left. I'd bet you money on it but I'm not going to because my life has only two parts to it: my work and my perpetual spinsterhood, and therefore I think it's probably painfully obvious which comment is mine anyway.

    I mean... how is an old burrito less humiliating than dog poop and doggie litter boxes, which could potentially be a million-dollar-idea if you market to super lazy people??

    I mean... hey lookit that, CAD finally opened! Off to unpaid existing conditions input I go!

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    Replies
    1. Ha!Archie Girl,my husband is a Kevin and we had a great burrito incident that involved a new species of chia pet and sick mystery creature.I think my Kevin is the king of Kevin's.To this day I haven't had a burrito since.Also,febreeze doesn't cover all smells...yes,there are smells worst then febreeze scented poo.

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    2. @ Mel - Yep, Qdoba for one.

      @AG - Goddamn existing conditions! Also, pro tip for AutoCAD: before starting it up, take out the cartridge and blow in it.

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    3. Wait, does AutoCAD still exist? I don't think I've seen the black screen and strange neon pens of AutoCAD in a good six or seven years.... Archicad/BIM all the way! ;)

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    4. CAD!? Does this mean you are also an architect? Looks like I'm the third one posting here...weird! Graduated in 2004, but I've been an at-home/artist mom since having my second child 4 years ago. I miss using CAD!

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    5. Another architect?! Oh shit, time to get a crit going. Hey Loyd/Art Mom, what's your website? Call it out. I love seeing what my fellow studio rats are up to.

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    6. Weird, huh!! I have a facebook page but no website yet... my page is called Feliks and Fiona

      Delete

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