3/22/2017

By Any Other Surname

Story Sent in by Jason:

Amanda was a blind date who insisted I call her by her last name. When I called her Amanda at first she reprimanded me, "Could you call me Ms. Tyler? We only just met."

I was put off a bit by that. After all, she referred to me by my first name with no problem whatsoever. When I pointed out that double standard, she just shrugged it off and said, "I'll call you Mr. Wright if you want."

No, no. Jason is fine. Uh... Ms. Tyler.

I opted to just avoid calling her by name for the entire date altogether. It would have otherwise just been too weird. But when we were at dinner she insisted that I call her Ms. Tyler more often. "Can you just address me by name when you talk to me? I prefer that."

"Okay. Ms. Tyler, can you tell me about your family?"

"My father is Mr. Tyler, my mother is Ms. Tyler, and my two brothers are Mr. Tyler and Mr. Tyler."

No joke. That's an actual quote. I asked her, "Ms. Tyler, at what point can I call you by your first name?"

Ms. Tyler replied, "When I tell you that you can."

I asked, "What does Mr. Tyler do for a living?"

"Which Mr. Tyler?"

"Mr. Tyler."

"Which one?"

"Mr. Tyler! Your brother."

"Which brother?"

"Mr. Tyler."

"Which Mr. Tyler?"

It was fun to mess with her, especially as she seemed altogether oblivious about the whole thing. But it was only really fun for a little bit and we didn't go out again.

12 comments:

  1. She wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but a butler...

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    Replies
    1. Or, she was trying to be a sexy Mary Kay letourneau teacher type and OP was supposed to act like her naughty student.

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    2. I've heard that there are specialised dating websites where one can find people who are actually interested in this kind of things...

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  2. Ms. Tyler if you're nasty.

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  3. She just really wanted you to get used to her last name...

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  4. After she calls you Mr. Wright, you now have a reason to yell "OBJECTION!" at her.

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  5. I know that if I were single and wanted to get out of a bad date situation, pretending to be crazy would be both an easy and fun way to do it. Act unstable enough to make them think they're the one doing the rejecting...and nobody gets hurt! Wish I'd thought of that back in my single years.

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    Replies
    1. Tap into your inner architect sitting in studio at 4:15 AM with a half finished project, 3 pots of coffee pumping through your veins, 35 band-aids from X-acto cuts, and a crit starting in 5 hours. That should bring out the crazy nicely.

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    2. Don't forget no music because you've accidentally cut through the your headphone wires with your xacto (again!) and burning lungs from smoking too many cigarettes just to take a break even though you're actually not a smoker.

      One day I walked around crying literally nonstop, just tears running down my cheeks constantly, and didn't even know it. Couldn't figure out why every person I encountered asked me what was wrong. That was about the same time I was convinced an old-timey-movie-robber was following me everywhere and hiding in the trunk of my car.

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    3. /me puts down the conversation and backs away slowly...

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    4. My girlfriend at the time found me wandering around the Arch building one morning after an all-nighter and slamming half a bottle of No-Doze singing a song from a Hardee's commercial over and over. "I'm a walking, talking biscuit and you can call me B."

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    5. LOL, if I tap into those all-nighters I'm liable to start drinking redbull again! Nothing like a crazy lady holding a can of redbull!

      Delete

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