2/14/2017

Valentine's Bae

Story Sent in by James:

I had been dating Amy for a few months when she told me that she had a special "surprise" in store for me for Valentine's Day. She invited me to her apartment and said she was leaving the door unlocked. She also told me a very specific time to be over: 7:50pm. I wasn't about to question her as I anticipated a happy surprise. Like a bedroom surprise. And I was right. Sort of.

At 7:50 I made it to her place, opened her door, and followed a small trail of rose petals to her closed bedroom. I opened the door to find her in the middle of noisily screwing some guy with a crew cut and a big scar down his back.

A million thoughts flashed through my head at once. Had she lost track of time while she cheated on me? Or did she actually want me to find her in the throes of passion with someone else? I simultaneously felt angry, hurt, confused, sad, and nauseated. Especially that last one.

I thought about yelling, about throwing a punch at the guy, about slamming the door and leaving... her bedroom door faced the foot of her bed and neither she nor the guy noticed me. So I did what might have been the most mature thing I've ever done - I left without a sound.

My intent was to go home and drink, and I succeeded at the first part of that when she called me. I let it go to voicemail. She texted me a few times but I didn't answer any of them.

The next day I woke to an email from her. Where was I? How come I didn't show up last night? Was everything okay? Blah blah blah. It took me an hour to decide what to write back and I composed about 100 email drafts before I settled with the simple, "I found you in bed with some guy with a scar on his back and so I left."

She called and I didn't pick up. She then texted, "You're not even going to try to fight for me?"

After reading that, I felt a lot better about ending things. Perhaps in its own way, it wasn't a bad Valentine's Day after all.

29 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Too mean Archie; don't you have a retaining wall to design (or is that what engineers do?).

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Yeah, those are engineers. I'm designing a bank. Also, not so much mean as it is a handy primer on the important difference between those words. Good grammar is a thing of beauty and poor grammar is a thing reserved for me when I reach the ninth circle of Hell

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    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    5. {Comforts Arch}"There,their,they're Arch"...get use to the heat.

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    6. Somehow I knew that was coming. Don't worry Smiles, I've got my sun block on and I'm saving you a seat.

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    7. It may be your hell but it's my heaven...

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    8. Architect: did you watch "The Blacklist" last night? I now picture you as Brent Spiner.

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    9. Funny,because my friends picture me as Data.

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  2. This could have gone so much worse for everyone involved. Lucky for Amy, James does not appear to be a gun enthusiast who is prone to crimes of passion.

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    1. I prefer to use knives or garrotes for my crimes of passion - get up close 'n' personal. I only use my guns for cold-blooded stuff, na mean?

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  3. Good job OP! This girl was looking for drama and you didn't give her the satisfaction.

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    1. Yeah, he let good ol' Scarback give her some satisfaction...

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  4. This type of person deserves a special corner of hell filled with carnivorous horse dicks. I've been there and dated that and those people aren't human.

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    1. Edit: I've been and dated that type of person, not carnivorous horse dicks. They're OK but a bit quick to try for first base.

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    2. I appreciate the lay-up, Bananas, but sometimes I simply crave a challenge...

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  5. As soon as she said to be over at a specific time, I knew how that was going down.

    Too bad that the scar was such a turn-off. OP could have gotten in some sweet three-way action. Oh, a devil's three-way, yes, but remember, it's not gay when it's in a three-way.

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    1. Everyone knows if you cross swords during a three way you just make light saber noises and move on.

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    2. You've been watch that movie Skin Deep, haven't you?

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    3. I googled to see what movie you meant, but there's like 8 movies titled Skin Deep, and a bunch of TV shows with episodes named Skin Deep, and a couple made for TV movies. Do you know how long it's gonna take me to watch all of this?

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    4. Hmm... what to do... give you a clue or let you find it... hmm...

      Meanwhile, check this out.

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    5. TOL, that may be one of the best comics I have ever seen.

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    6. Aaaaand link to the movie was in the comments of the comic.

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  6. Fantastic composture by OP! She obviously wanted to hurt him and provoke a reaction, but didn't get what she wanted. I know hindsight is great, but it would have been even better if he pretended that he didn't make it and act surprised that she didn't get his message, and then milk it... That would have sent her completely bonkers!

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  7. That last part had me going.. Nice work OP. I guess she's stuck with Scarback. Being a man with some rationality I'd let him finish as well.

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