2/22/2017

The Bonfire of the Inanities

(My favorite films of the year - on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Ralph:

They always tell you not to date people you know from work but Julia and I were a great match. We just clicked from the beginning. We worked in the same area on the same floor and often tossed things over each other's cube walls at each other and played little practical jokes on each other throughout the days. We went out a couple of times and made out and all seemed well.

One day I was tossing crumpled bits of paper over the cube wall at her when she suddenly let out a scream that made everyone come running. There was a fire on her desk! Someone grabbed an extinguisher and put it out. When she was asked what had happened, she pointed at me and said, "It was Ralph! He did it! He kept throwing paper onto my desk and it all caught fire!"

I countered, "I wasn't throwing paper soaked in kerosene. Paper doesn't just catch fire."

The bosses got involved and she blamed me the entire time and she screamed up and down about how it was my fault and all the paper I had thrown had set a fire and other nonsense. She was ultimately fired for setting a fire at her own desk, and good riddance. You can't just go blaming someone for something you did, yourself. But it all worked out. We ended up hiring another cutie in the following months.

12 comments:

  1. https://youtu.be/deB_u-to-IE

    I guess Julia didn't light Ralph's fire enough for him to be her scapegoat.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You guys, while I was awake at 4 o'clock this morning, I came up with a great comment to post this morning and opened a bunch of memes to go with it. But now I don't remember what the comment was, so here's all the meme spam anyway.

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  3. I assume she used a cigarette lighter to start this fire? If that's the case, than OP needs to raise his standards to a non-smoker. Who wants to kiss a toilet bowl? Yuck...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steve,you don't like smoking,hot babes?Pyros can have a lighter and not smoke.She also could of rubbed two pencils or even her legs together.And Biff it's"Who wants to kiss an ash tray?",not "who wants to kiss a toilet?"She's not a dog drinking from the toilet bowl however both are displeasing.

      Delete
    2. "She's not a dog drinking from the toilet bowl...."

      Woah woah woah, let's not go making assumptions here.

      Delete
    3. All this talk about toilet bowls got me in the mood to clean the toilet bowls in the house.Now I'm trying to remember what movie had some guy making toilet bowl booze.Not that that's something I will do...

      Delete
  4. Also... I'm pretty sure Bananas is chained to a basement wall somewhere, being fed catfood... Not it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ JMG - Goddamnit Jarrrred, you get me hooked on your Trump movie reviews and then don't post one for 2 days. I'm getting the shakes man. Come on, I just need a taste to get me through the rest of the week!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I need Trump to review Rings because after seeing it I have so many questions that need to be answered.

    ReplyDelete

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