1/10/2017

Hand of the Free

(My brilliant friend Jaqui co-started a comic based on Donald Trump's tweets. Click here to visit donaldandfriends.com. Please share. -JMG)

Story Sent in by Marianne:

Clayton claimed in his profile that he was an amazing masseur. He brought it up during our dinner and asked me if I wanted a demonstration. I politely declined, as I wasn't quite ready to have his hands all over my shoulders and back just yet. After a little while of chatting he excused himself to go to the bathroom.

A minute later from behind a pair of hands squeezed my shoulders and neck. I screamed and thrashed and turned to see Clayton standing there with a shocked look.

He yelled, "What's wrong with you? Why are you causing a scene?"

I couldn't believe he was trying to make me into the bad guy. "You just put your hands on me!"

He sat back down and said, "I told you I give really good massages."

In response I gave him the finger, grabbed my bag, and left. He shouted after me but I wasn't about to spend one more moment with that psycho.

12 comments:

  1. Ah, loved that ending. I'd rather read that than see people staying "until date ends" or "until dinner ends" . Yes, give the creeps the finger and leave them hanging there :D !

    ReplyDelete
  2. And remember folks, this is definitely civil battery (everywhere in the United States) and maybe criminal unwanted touching (depending on what state you live in). Of course, if you're just touching shoulders that's going to be a misdemeanor nearly everywhere -- be careful though: go too low and it turns into a felony.

    The more you know...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *Imagining how Bob came across this knowledge*

      So they let you have a computer in prison?

      Delete
    2. I'd pass legislation to classify this as attempted murder, or possibly conspiracy to commit genocide and grand theft auto. It should carry a mandatory minimum of three consecutive death penalties. Victims should be justified to use deadly force in self-defense, including nuclear weapons.

      Delete
  3. Bananas has sore shoulders from breastfeeding babies all day.

    She'd totally give him a chance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not sore shoulders you have after all that.

      Delete
    2. Steve's happy to comment massage anything you need him to after breastfeeding.

      Delete
    3. As long as I get a sip, too! I'm into that.

      Delete
  4. I'm kind of jumpy to begin with and would have shrieked and jumped out of my chair if someone came from behind and put their hands on me.I don't like to cause public scenes and would have glared at Clayton and then verbally assaulted him forgetting about not liking to cause public scenes.Unwanted touching merits a verbal lashing.Stranger danger!

    ReplyDelete
  5. OP left a shitty date! OP gets a cookie!

    ReplyDelete
  6. What makes it even more inexcusable is that she told him no, and he took it upon himself to do it anyway. I always hated guys who liked to brag about giving massages. I always found that when a guy wants to give a massage to a woman he just met, it's usually an attempt to get her in his bed for it to lead to other things.

    ReplyDelete

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