12/19/2016

Only a Mother Could Love

(Should you see Rogue One? Click here to check out my spoiler-free review on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Daphne:

Stan took me to a non-smoking restaurant and tried to light up right there at the table.

"I don't think you're allowed to smoke here," I told him.

He extinguished his cigarette and said, "Okay, Mom."

For the rest of the date he called me "Mom" and asked my permission to do everything:

"Mom, may I put the napkin on my lap?"

"Mom, may I eat my dinner now?"

"Mom, may I go to the bathroom?"

"Mom, may I ask you a question?"

I finally asked him, "Will you stop it?"

He said, "No, Mom."

I said, "That's strange. You've asked my permission to do everything else. But when it comes to acting like a moron you don't ask my permission at all."

"I'm not acting like an moron, Mom."

But I think he knew he was. Couldn't wait for that catastrophe to be over.

14 comments:

  1. Op should of told him that if he didn't stop acting like a moron then he would not get any dessert.He did not stop and so he did not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding!"

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    2. "You! Yes, you! Stand still laddy!"

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    3. Fun fact: Melanie is cousins with TWO founding members of Pink Floyd...

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    4. ;I would love it if that were true. The Floyd were one of my favorite bands from high school all the way through college. Truly inspiring music.

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    5. Pink Floyd is one of my favorite bands.Although I have to break it to you,I'm not cousins with any of the founding members.However perhaps someone in my family had sexual relations with one of their cousins so perhaps we could be wiener cousins.

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    6. It is my firm suspicion that Chunky Horse and I are wiener cousins... And he's hung like a... well, you know...

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  2. OP stayed through all of that? WTF? How bad did you want that meal?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Them meals ain't gonna buy themselves!

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    2. I can vouch for that Steve!My nom noms of pleasure stop annoyance in it's tracks.Wasting food is not an option!And food just does not taste the same once it get's put in the ill fated 'doggy bag"of bad date shame.Freshness ceases to exist after that.

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    3. I ALWAYS provide my dates nom noms of pleasure...

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  3. OP didn't leave a shitty date. No cookie for the OP.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mom, may I place a comment in the comment section?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was probably a kink. At least she found out about it early. That's not the kind of kink you wanna find out about after the wedding.

      Delete

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