12/26/2016

Hark, the Herald Angels Cling

(Thinking of seeing La La Land? Check out my spoiler-free review on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Rashad:

I took Pauline out to dinner and then we walked together down the street. She took my arm and asked, "Are we always going to be together?"

I joked, "At least for the next few minutes." It was our first date and hearing such a question from anyone (regardless of gender) is a little creepy.

She grabbed my arm tighter and said, "I want to be together always and always and always with you."

Hoping to diffuse the situation I said, "You probably wouldn't adhere to that if you joined me in the bathroom."

She said, "I would. I'll hold your hand while you go. I don't care."

It was at this point that I decided I didn't want to be on the date any longer. I let the conversation go on for a little bit and then I said, "Oh! I forgot that I have to be up really early tomorrow. I should probably go soon."

She said, "I won't join you in bed yet but I can hang out at your house and take care of it while you're at work..."

I began, "Uh..."

But she cut in, "But is it work you're going to early tomorrow? Or is it someone else? If it's someone else I'll kill her and myself. You'll be alone. You'll be alone!"

I said, "It's work. There's no one else. But I really have to go. Like right now."

I was somehow able to convince her that I'd be in touch again very, very soon. Once we parted I blocked her number and email on everything as soon as I could and thankfully she never showed up to my house.

13 comments:

  1. Once again, I'm super jealous, because I've never had a clinger. What's wrong with me?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are:
      Old
      Fat
      Bald
      Married

      By your own admission.

      Delete
  2. I'm surprised you noticed something strange upfront. I think a large majority of people would find her first two questions harmless and flattering. You are a good judge of character because she pulled her crazy out real fast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chrissie! Why aren't you stalking me?! What's wrong with me?!

      Delete
    2. Again, you are:
      Old
      Fat
      Bald
      Married

      Delete
    3. I'll hide in your brushes and write you love notes in my blood.

      Delete
  3. Hmmm. I think she was going for the overblown " I'm not into you, OP. Let me do the crazy lady scare off and save us the awkwardness". It was so over the top, I think she was worried about him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, I'm inclined to think this is plausible. Either you came off as bad news OP, or you had a crazy lady on your hands. either way, someone dodged a bullet.

      Delete
  4. Notice how she said she would not sleep with op nor did she show up to his house and boil his bunny?A true crazy means crazy good sex so by taking the sex card off the table,I agree with Punkpoodle.I think it was also an attempt to scare op off because she just wasn't feeling it.Either that or she's just doing crazy wrong because sex is the only thing good about crazy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I get it now. You're a troll. That explains all the ridiculous comments.

      Delete
    2. Oh I get it now. You're a troll. That explains all the ridiculous comments.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Because I do not know how to add fancy red links like you.I even had psycho stalker girlfriend memes on my mind.

      Delete

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